Dear HAARP

Dear People of HAARP,

I live on the south coast of England and it's only May and already i have a sunburned shoulder and been attacked by a pair wasps after my milkshake as i sat innocently in the park today.
We all know that it is you guys making earthquakes and causing volcanoes to explode all over the World because it is all over the internet and David Icke has said it is you controlling our weather and he was a sports presenter on the BBC once so he should know so no point in trying to deny it. 
Please can you either stop fiddling with our weather so it is so hot us pale skinned Brits get sunburned as soon as we step outside our door in early May or fiddle with it some more so that we get some cooler weather until about September, either is good by me.

Thank you

Lucy

PS...If you want to 'quieten' David Icke for spilling your secrets, he lives in Ryde on the Isle of Wight if you want to cause an earthquake there.