Tuesday, 14 May 2013
Eurovision Song Contest 2013
The largest financers of the extravaganza get a bye to the final so France, UK, Germany, Spain, Italy and hosts Sweden are guaranteed to be in Saturday's final but the other 33 hopefuls have to battle it out to impress us 500 million Europeans who will be picking up our telephones to boot out 12 nations over the two semi-finals for falling short of the high European standards for musical merit.
The UK has Bonnie Tyler representing us with the better than standard fare that we serve up annually.
Last year we put forward Englebert Humperdink singing a song so slow it almost stopped the Earth turning, but listening to the competition, Bonnie may have picked a decent year to unleash that husky voice on the continent.
Somehow, Denmark are the pre-contest favourites with Ukraine and Norway joining them in the top 3 and the UK being pegged to finish the night somewhere around the 14th place mark but listening to the songs we are up against, it's not a vintage year for Euro music with many dire ballads on the list.
The Greek tune is a bit of a toe tapper and the Finnish entry is catchy but my favourite is the Norwegian song which is one of those that will either run away with it or sink without a trace.
One thing that is for sure is that we won't win it because it's a massive conspiracy and it is all down to who has the largest number of friendly neighbours and everyone hates the UK we didn't want to win the stupid competition anyway.