Talking About The Economy

The DAX is up, the Nikkei is down, CAC up, DOW down and the FTSE is doing the Hokey Kokey and turning around because that's what it's all about.
Not sure if the 5% drop in the Japanese market is a good thing, doesn't sound like it because one man on the television with an expensive looking haircut said it was a disaster while another man with an equally tidy short back and sides said it wasn't anything to be concerned about because it was just an adjustment to a previously good couple of months for the Nikkei.
All very confusing but luckily i am an expert in all things economy and to put it in simple terms, the markets will rise or fall and there will be a long or short period of inflation or deflation and the markets will recover or crash shortly, in the future or not at all and everything will work out in the end or we are up a well known creek and the oars are missing.
Right, where's my case of Bollinger and the £500,000 bonus?
To some that may seem like i have made it up on the spot and i have no idea what i am talking about but that's what makes me an expert because listening to them, they haven't got a clue either which goers a long way to explain why we are in such a bull market, and that is a lot of bull being spouted st the moment.