Saturday, 6 December 2008

US v GB Xmas Song Battle

Cody has been hitting the eggnog early this festive season and believes that when it comes to Christmas pop songs, us Brits can't hold a candle to the jingle bell stuff that America puts out. I say he is talking Christmas Baubles so the gloves are laced up and the gumshield is in so let's get it on.

Let's get ready to rumble. In the red, white and blue Corner, reigning champion of the Christmas song World, Great Britain. In the stars and stripes corner, the challenger, the United States of America.
Ok King Wenceslas, what are we expecting from these two?
I expect the Yankee fighter to start strongly but quickly tire and be completely overpowered by the steady stream of British Christmas hits Lucy.

Round 1 - Ok, there's the bell. Straightaway Britain lands 'A Wonderful Christmastime' and 'Pipes Of Peace' by Paul McCartney and America counters with a 'Santa Claus is coming to Town' by the Jackson 5. Sizing each other up in this opening round and a Greg Lake 'i Believe in Father Christmas' followed by Chris De Burgh 'A Spaceman Came Travelling' forces America onto the back foot just as the bell goes for the end of the first round.
What do you make of it Wenceslas?
A cautious opening round but i expect America to come out strong in the next round as it will know that the longer it goes on Britain will begin to dominate.

Round 2 - Here we go king Wenceslas and as Britain threw an Aled Jones 'Walking In The Air' it walked straight onto a 'Blue Christmas' by Elvis which sent it covering up. Britain looks shaken and is holding on as it attempts to clear its head. America on top here but Britain seems to have recovered and the American advance is halted by a Cliff Richard 'Saviours Day' and 'Mistletoe and Wine' combination. A brief flurry of 'Little Saint Nick' ends the round with America taking that one on my scorecard.

Round 3 - The third begins with Britain warming Americas jaw with a 'Lonely This Christmas' by Mud and then moving inside to jab a 'Power of Love' by Frankie Goes To Hollywood into the Americas unprotected ribs. Dean Martins 'Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow' temporarily forces Britain back but here they come again with America forced back onto the ropes by Band Aids 'Do They Know It's Christmas' and the crowd are on their feet. America trying desperately to survive the onslaught but a slamming 'Last Christmas' by Wham drops it to its knees. Dazed and bleeding, the referee gives it the mandatory 8 count and allows it to continue. Britain steams in and lands a 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' Tom Jones and Cerys Hughes before the bell ends the round. Exciting stuff Wenceslas.
The seconds are working furiously on America in that corner Lucy as the fourth round begins.

Round 4 - Looking to build on that last round Britain look to finish it with a roundhouse 'Merry Christmas Everyone' by Slade but America reply with a crisp Bing Crosby "White Christmas" and Britain looks hurt and manages to reply with a Jona Lewie 'Stop The Cavalry' before America throws a 'Please come home for Christmas' by Bon Jovi to send Britain reeling back towards the ropes.
Covering up frantically as America looks to capitalise, Britain stuns America with a 'Step Into Christmas' by Elton John and 'Christmas Time, Don't Let The Bells End' by the Darkness.
A ferocious exchange of 'All I Want For Christmas is You' by Mariah Carey is met with a 'Happy Xmas (War is Over)' by John Lennon. All America have left is a tired 'The Christmas Song' by Nat King Cole and Britain sends America to the canvas for a final time with "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everday' by Wizzard and The Pogues 'Fairytale of New York'.
7...8...9...10 and it's all over, Britain is still the undisputed Christmas Song Champion of the World.
America was game but it's songs were just too old Lucy.
Thank you Good King Wenceslas, so it's Britain victorious and America off to lick its wounds. From King Wencelas and myself, Ding Dong Merrily on High and goodnight.

Cody explains why America rules when it comes to Christmas music here.


Chris said...

You was never going to just do a boring list of christmas songs was you. There are some glaring omissions on both sides but i haven't heard anything from that side of the pond to rival fairytale of new york as the best christmas song ever.

O' Tim said...

Leading with "Wonderful Christmastime" as a strategy proves your game faulty. I count joyfully the days of the season until I first hear that wretched tune, and it's a downhill Scroogefest from there as it seems to come out of every other storefront, especially ruining my saunter by Victoria's Secret.

The fact that you didn't land The Kinks "Father Christmas" or ELP's "Nutrocker" and that Cody will no doubt have the uppercut that is Canned Heat's "Christmas Blues" representing Big Sammy just proves you'll be needing the smelling salts after round three.

Oh, and I'm not so sure JL's "Happy Xmas" can qualify as a point for you blokes/birds. If so, I'd recommend Cody file a protest with the judges.

Lucy said...

I admit there were some omissions chris but the post was getting ridiculously long so had to cut some out and keep the well known ones.

O'Tim - We knew that you guys has a powerful 'White Christmas' and 'All i want for Christmas is you' in your locker and the strategy was to draw them out early so we could counter with Slade and Wizzard and keep our Fairytale of New York for the big finish after we had bought your guard down with a few cliff richards body shots.
And of course there was no bias. Ok, maybe a little. Or a lot.

Cody Bones said...

"Fairytale of New York"

Your knockout punch is by a band that is only about half British, referencing an American city, with a video starring Matt Dillon as a member of the NYPD. Sorry Lucy, I call for a split decision.

BTW, that was an EXCELLENT post. Merry Christmas Lucy

Lucy said...

The only person anyone knows in The Pogues is Shane MacGowan, and he is a Kent boy so the knockout punch was delivered via Tunbridge Wells and wherever Roy Wood is from.

No idea why he chose New York though
unless it just sounded better than Fairytale of Wolverhampton.
I didn't know Matt Dillon was in the video, i will have to keep an eye out for him next time it is on TV.

Cody Bones said...

Pull it off youtube. Some say it might be his best work

Cheezy said...

I'm not surprised you guys are having a tug-of-war over 'Fairytale of New York'. I think it's the only decent song mentioned here!

It's 0-0 between the UK and the US then.

I also agree with O'Tim that 'Wonderful Christmastime' is dire beyond words. It's not just a contender for worst Christmas song ever, but it must be high on the list of worst songs ever period.

This song is the reason why Paul deserved Heather.

SwissToni said...

I've heard nothing that can match the mighty version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Joseph Spence - and he's from the Bahamas, so counts for neither here. My second favourite is no help either, "River", as Joni Mitchell is Canadian, so....

No one scores any points by naming the songs that are so overplayed as to be the aural equivalent of poison. Even "Fairytale of New York" has been thoroughly ruined for me, I'm afraid (and it's 100% British, isn't it? Surely? Being about New York has got nothing to do with it. Most of Cody's songs are about Father Christmas, and he's scandinavian, so...>)

There are good xmas songs out there by people like eels, Sufjan Stevens, Belle&Sebastian, Pete Broggs.... but stay away from the overplayed stuff at all costs!


Lucy said...

I think you guys are being a bit unfair about Christmas songs, arn't they suppossed to be a bit naff? It is the only time of year that i would admit to listening to Cliff Richards and i had to use songs that we all knew in the UK and USA, hence the usual suspects.
You reminded me Swiss Toni about the Phil Spector Christmas album, there are some great Xmas songs on that.

Stephen K said...

Got to go with Happy Xmas (War is Over) for my favourite contemporary Xmas song.

The Fez Monkey said...

It starts and ends with Slade. Noddy's hysterical wailing of "It's Christmas!" at the end makes it just sublime.

Ook ook

The Fez Monkey said...


For the ultimate American xmas song, I heartily recommend you check out "Christmastime in the LBC."

The download is free. You'll thank me later.

Ook ook

Chris said...

I like your music posts because as you said above, you have a great knack of keeping it general so everyone knows the bands you are talking about. Many of the music blogs i go to tend to lose many readers by writing about bands or music that has limited appeal to a small band of readers. You should consider writing a music blog.

Lucy said...

I am considering starting up another less political one to do with sport or possibly entertainment so i can poke fun at musicians and bad actors Chris. Haven't decided what to do yet but a music one does appeal.