Saturday 11 March 2023

Today Is...The Day Emperor Elagabalus Was Murdered

The boring thing about Democracy is that they almost never elect truly crazy people, some are voted in that are a bit weird and some that are borderline crazy but not 100%, out of their tree loopy.
Back when rulers took the throne based only on their bloodline, they let pretty much anyone be Emperor in those days and a nation could wind up under the rule of someone who was literally insane and Emperor Elagabalus is one of the most despotic, insane, perverted and cruel leaders Rome ever had, which took some doing considering the competition.
He was made the Emperor of Rome even though he was barely 14 and he did the typical teenage gnarly things such as holding feasts where he served live parrots, flamingo brains and mice and before each meal he would consult with a slave how each feast would go and by consult i mean rip open the slaves guts and 'read them' as they spilled out onto the floor.
Another favourite was to hide a lion in a room and tell his guests to go look at a statue or painting in there, those who survived the lion would join him for the feast, although the food could be a bit rock hard but that was because he would serve bits of wax and rock made to look like food and while they picked their teeth up off the ground he ate the real food.
To be fair, those that survived being mauled by lions, being pecked by parrots and avoiding slipping on slave guts, he gave them doggy bags which were actually bags with dead puppies in them.
He chained naked women to chariots and whipped them as they pulled him around the City and invented his own lottery so you could win a slave or a house or your dead pets, boxes full of bees or a poisonous snake.
Due to being an absolute Barnpot, the Senate first tried to remove him but he ordered them all executed so instead they just plain old grabbed him, chopped off his head and threw his body in the River Tiber which worked just as well.

5 comments:

Liber - Latin for "The Free One" said...

EXCUSE ME. SANITY MEANS BEING IN TOUCH REALITY. BIDEN IS NOT IN TOUCH WITH REALITY... KAMALA HARRIS EITHER. THEN THERE IS ELIZABETH WARREN (THE NATIVE AMERICAN OR FIRST NATIONS OR WHATEVER THEY WANT TO BE CALLED NOW, I LIKE INDIAN) WHO LIVES IN LA LA LAND. AND BERNIE SANDERS - MORE LA LA...

Liber - Latin for "The Free One" said...

OH YEAH, I'M USING CAPITAL LETTERS NOW SINCE IT SEEMS TO BOTHER YOU (BASED ON YOUR COMMENT IN MY BLOG).

Anonymous said...

An unrelated rant about Democrats on a post about Elagabalus? David G is back? Your inability to use capital letters doesn’t bother me, it amuses me if anything.

Liber - Latin for "The Free One" said...

COOL, WAS THAT POST ABOUT ELAGABALUS OR DEMOCRACY NEVER ELECTING AN INSANE PERSON?

BEGS THE QUESTION, "WHAT IS SANITY"?

Falling on a bruise said...

Big clue in the title of the post.