I didn't catch his name but there was a leader from an American Christian fundamentalist Group on TV today who proudly said that Christian Nationalism was on the increase in America and the time was ripe to push to make America a country that literally lives exactly as the Bible states.
A recent Gallup survey put the amount of Americans who interpret the Bible literally as the actual word of God at just over a third which in a nation of 350 million is a lot of people taking the what the Bible says as literal including i assume the bits about talking snakes, dragons (some with the head of a rooster), unicorns and multi-headed, fire breathing sea serpents.
So if the Christian Fundamentalists do have their way then there will be some big changes coming to America such as the diet because Leviticus 11-13 is very clear on what you can, and can't eat and especially animals which chew cud.
If your diet currently includes camel, rabbit, pork, eagle, vulture, kite (red or black), raven, owl, gull, hawk, osprey, stork, heron or bat, weasel, rat, lizard, gecko, snake, crab, oysters, whelks, octopus, squid or mussels then you had better buy another cook book.
You can eat ox, sheep, goat, deer, gazelle, roebuck, wild goat, ibex, antelope and mountain sheep as well as anything from the sea that has fins and scales and locust, katydid, cricket and grasshoppers.
After your dinner you can then set about feeding the women who have been isolated as unclean because they are having their period (7 days isolation), have given birth to a boy (40 days) or a girl (73 days) and once the isolation has ended, you can always sell them as per Leviticus 27:2-5 which sets out the scales as a woman aged 20 to 60 is worth 30 shekels and 10 shekels for a female aged 5 to 20.
Obviously one of the big Commandments is number 6, Thou shall not kill but the Bible does make some exceptions so God gives his blessing to kill gays (Leviticus 20:13), People Who Don't Listen to Priests' (Deuteronomy 17:12), Witches (Exodus 22:17), Fortunetellers (Leviticus 20:27), anyone who hits their parents (Exodus 21:15), anyone who curses their parents (Leviticus 20:9), adulterers (Leviticus 20:10), anyone who follows another religion (Exodus 22:19), non-believers (2 Chronicles 15:12-13), Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night (Deuteronomy 22:20-21), Blasphemers (Leviticus 24:10-16), and Sunday workers (Exodus 31:12-15).
So you have eaten your Grasshopper stew, sold your wife and machine gunned down the sinners at the local gay nightclub but the Bible isn't finished yet because sins come in many forms including wearing gold jewellery having braids in your hair (1 Timothy 2:9) ripped jeans (Leviticus 10:6) and having a tattoo (Leviticus 19:28)
So by now you have thrown out your ripped jeans and sent all your jewellery to Cash 4 Gold and the only thing left in your wardrobe is a selection of polyester blend skirts. Oh dear, two kinds of material mixed together is a no-no (Leviticus 19:19) and that short back and sides haircut, hell awaits (Leviticus 19:27) as it also does of you own an American football, a pig skin American Football (Leviticus 11:7-8).
Obviously, to live your life according to the literal Bible doesn't sound much fun so it must come as a relief when you sit down and actually give the whole idea of religion some proper thought and realise, hang on, it's all a load of nonsense and live your life properly knowing there is not a loving and caring invisible man in the clouds wanting you to kill that guy who served you in Walmart last Sunday or banishing you to burn in hell for eating a Whelk or wearing those earrings you got for Christmas. Lucky eh?
No comments:
Post a Comment