Eurovision 2024

37 Nations are called but only 1 is chosen and the reward is to host the following years Eurovision Song Contest because it's that brilliant time of the year again when the good, bad and the awful of Europe is asked to pop along and bring a tune with them and let us decide if we think it's much cop.
Sweden, as last years winners not only get to host it this year but get an automatic bye to the Final along with France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the UK which is handy for Germany, Italy and the Swedes because none of their songs are going to lead to their representatives pulling any muscles lifting the glass microphone trophy.
The rest navigate a semi-final appearance so many will drop by the wayside and my scoresheet has Australia, Azerabijan, Geiorgia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Moldova, Norway and Ukraine putting on a brave face as they are told their services will no longer be required in Saturdays Final.
Of the rest Albania, Belgium, France, Portugal, Denmark, Latvia, Slovenia and Israel have shown up with ballads, Serbia's is so ploddingly slow it is in danger of going backwards but of the slow songs, Belgium's stands out but heart wrenching lyrics seem so last year because this year it is the turn of the electro-pop acts including Spain, Netherlands and the UK which has a very Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax video performance about it with much semi-naked men in posing pouches doing things which will have the Director screaming go to the Long Shot at the cameramen.
Eurovision wouldn't be Eurovision without some nations being completely barmy and Finland has really upped it's billiantly loopy game this year with a man hatching from an Egg and singing while prancing around in his flesh coloured underpants which is as magnificent as it sounds and we really must hope it makes it out of the semi finals as a reward for being barking mad.
Ireland have taken a different path and have something called Ouija Pop complete with a screechy chorus and demons and devils cavorting onstage while Estonia have gone with a Zombie Folk band with a  song which sounds like a 3 minute football chant.
The Czech Republic singer lives in Brighton and her song is one of the ones i have placed an asterix next to as one i expect to end in the top 4 along with Croatia which is one hell of an earworm of a song called Rim Tim Tagi Dim about a young man selling his cow, saying goodbye to his cat and leaving for the big city which i guarantee will have you humming long after the next few acts.
As for the UK, i predict a left hand side of the board finish with Croatia, Netherlands, Czech Republic, Estonia and Poland fighting it out at the business end of the league table but as this is Eurovision (and i barely ever pick the winner) it could be any one of the novelty numbers, gothic witchcraft or rave throwbacks that take it and that's why i love Eurovision.