Read This If You Plan To Set Fire To A Flag

The Flag burners are back on our TV Screens and they even had a good old stars and stripes bonfire in the Iranian Parliament which was outrageous as the flag burned so quick that they didn't even get to finish the first chant of 'Death To America' before it had burnt up.
If you are going to set fire to an America flag then you should do a bit of research as you don't want to be made to look stupid in front of the World's media by lighting a flag and it either not burning or going up in a flash.
I asked a textiles expert if you were going to get a good flame going on Old Glory, what fabric is the professional flag burners choice?
The ones to avoid are Spandex, Polyester and Nylon as they tend to melt and you don't get much of a flame although Acrylic, Acetate are better but not by much, the flame is the spluttering type and again it burns very rapidly.
A flag made of Wool would ignite very easy but also tend to go out and you don't really want to be fiddling around with a lighter in the middle of a baying crowd.
Cotton and Hemp also take well to a flame but again the flame is of the sputtering type which isn't very aesthetically pleasing so the expert has nailed it down to two types, Silk and a Rayon mix of half natural and half synthetic.
Both fabrics ignite quickly but importantly burn slower with a steady flame so giving you adequate opportunity to wave it around while reciting insulting things about Donald Trump's small penis hands before dropping it to the floor and grinding it into the dirt.
While the silk flags may be a bit more expensive, you will get a much more satisfying flame and burn and with so many American Flags being burnt in the Middle East, you want to give yourself the best opportunity of attracting the news cameras.