Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Kim Jong Il Ill

If ever there was someone who least looked like a crazed dictator bent on destroying the World it's North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Platform shoes, over sized spectacles and being unable to reach a light switch is hardly the things that go into making an evil genius but Mr Jong Il has been on our list of big nasties for quite some time although according to what newspaper you read, he is reportedly dead (South Korea), dying (Western media) or ..........(North Korea).
The rotund figure was certainly looking less rounded last time he put in an appearance in public and he today missed the military parade celebrating the 60th anniversary of his country's founding which only makes the rumours fly even faster.
He is known to suffer from heart problems and diabetes but maybe someone just put his shoes on a high shelf which caused him to miss it.
Whatever happened to him, the World will never again see such a comical figure with the capability to destroy us all although i do get a good giggle out of the 'tennis balls in the armpits' Bush walk and the Japanese Prime Minister's hair. Gordon Brown does that weird sucking noise as he speaks and Berlusconi has that hairline that goes up and down like the tide but none reach Kim Jong Il's potential to look so damned ridiculous.
To honour the man, here is his finest moment when he made his acting debut in Team America.

Kim Jong Il: Now you see, the changing of the worrd is inevitabre!
Lisa: I'm sorry, it's what?
Kim Jong Il: Inevit, inevitabre.
Lisa: One more time.
Kim Jong Il: Inevitabre! Things are inevitabrey going to change! Goddamnit, open your f***ing ears!

Mr Kim, lovingly remembered. For looking a bit of a prat.


Cody Bones said...

But he did shoot a 36 the first time he picked up golf clubs

Noah "Nog" M. said...

I wonder which one of his sons will be the third King of North Korea.


Cheezy said...

Kim Jong 'W' Il?

"Gordon Brown does that weird sucking noise as he speaks"

I KNOW! WTF is it with that noise??? It freaks me out... If it's some outlandish medical condition then I think the public have a right to know... and to mock.

Lucy said...

Joke i heard on the radio today, the son taking over is called Mentally Il.

Anonymous said...

TRADITIONAL VERSION : as told by John McCain
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION as told by Obama
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. Europeans call Americans arrogant burger eating invasion monkeys (I added this part - Q).
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome. Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be very careful how you vote in 2008

Lucy said...

Very good Q, 10 out of 10.

Nate Peele said...

I have heard a theory that Kim Jong Il is not in fact suffering from a stroke, but has agreed to be John McCain's vice-presidential nominee under the name Sarah Palin. The source is rather tenuous however.

Cheezy said...

Or worse, she's the new Dan Quayle! ;)