Thursday, 5 July 2012

Challenging Australia

When it comes to the Summer Olympics medal table, no country is going to top China, Russia or the United States so the race between the rest of us is for fourth place and Great Britain proudly sat there in 2008 much to the distaste of Australia who fancy themselves as a bit of a sporty nation.
That we not only finished above the Aussies but earned 5 more gold medals than them really hurt but not as much as the pain felt by the Australian sports minister who confidently made a bet with the British Sports Minister that she would wear a Team GB shirt at a public event if Britain finished above Australia in the medals table. Nice one, red white and blue suited her.
Not a people to learn from their past mistakes, the latest Aussie sports minister, Kate Lundy, has made the same bet with the British sports minister, Hugh Robertson.
If Team GB wins more gold medals, Lundy has promised to row across Eton Dorney in a British vest. But if the Australians triumph, Robertson has said he would dribble a ball around Australia House in an Australian hockey shirt.
Considering the Olympics are in Britain, we trounced them last time and it's Australia we are talking about, it is more likely that Lundy will be sporting the Union Flag on her chest while holding a pair of oars than Robertson wearing green and gold while trying to weave a hockey ball around traffic but stranger things have happened. Can't think of any off the top of my head but they must have done.
Now, if only we can keep the Australian athletes sober long enough to make our victory even more sweeter...


david g said...

Given that Great Britain (in what way is it great?) has three times the population of Australia, in theory they should beat us every time.

It is in fact a rare event. But what can you expect from a country where it rains all the time and where its citizens have pasty skin and are pathetically obese and their men play pocket billiards until blindness claims them.

After Britain's ignominious exit from the Euro Soccer a week ago, I don't think bragging is warranted!


Cheezy said...

Nice one. There's nothing like getting your excuses in early, is there Dave-o?

Oh, but don't worry - you shouldn't feel inadequate or 'second best' in terms of obesity, old cobber.

This list of the 'world's fattest countries' has the land of eucalyptus & racism sitting proudly in 21st place, well ahead of Britain, who are in 29th.

So well done there, sport.

Anyway, have a good Olympics, fatso! :)

Cheezy said...

PS: Your cricket team is boring the shit out of me. Can you please just win one game, to make it slightly interesting?

Or would you prefer to keep on bitching that not enough people live (or want to live) in your big empty country?


Lucy said...

You got us with the rain, it's raining now. I did ask my husband to type the reply to you as i am on my phone but he couldn't see the keys properly for some reason.

david g said...

Gee, I'm sorry about Andy. It's a shame he wasn't more 'andy' when playing Federer.

Perhaps he should've worn a kilt. He kept tripping over blades of grass. Ah, well, class will beat 'arse' every time.

Between the soccer and the tennis, GREAT Britain is not looking a world beater at the Olympics, eh? They might do well in the knitting events and of course they'll win the 'WHINGING' marathon easily.

P.S. What event is Cheezy entering?
The 'pie-eating marathon' or 'Britain's Greatest Blog Failure' ?

Cheezy said...

Gidday Tubby

"GREAT Britain is not looking a world beater at the Olympics, eh?"

Well, we'll see what happens in the upcoming Olympics. In 2008 we finished 4th out of 204 nations. If that's a bag of shite then I don't know what that says about the other 200 nations... your own parched, arid land of chunky burger kings included...

Anyway, I'm not sure why you’re talking about Andy Murray - he’s scotch isn’t he? He’s double scotch.

Anyway, despite this inherent disadvantage, he appears to have done much better than any Australian, no?

Didn’t both Hewitt & Tomic get knocked out in the First Round?...

Oh, but hang on. I forgot. You’re only widdle. So making it all the way into the First Round probably equates to actually winning the thing, doesn’t it?... (that’s if we adjust the result for your handicap – that’s the size of your population I mean, not the handicap of being a bunch of blubbery salad-dodgers)...

And that’s only fair, right?... cos you’re so widdle.

So... Congratulations! This is another fine result for Australian sport, just like the last two Ashes series!).

Oh. I just looked. Scotland’s only got 5 million people. And Switzerland only has 8 million. i.e. They’re only widdle too!

Shucks, I guess this fucks your little excuse right into a cocked hat (or should that be 'corked' hat?), isn't that right Porky? Sorry mate...


PS: I do like a good pie, it’s true. Banged to rights. But it’s one at a time for me, unlike you ocker lardarses.

PPS: You mention ‘soccer’ too (by the way, it’s called ‘football’ in the civilised world)... Why do you insist on bringing up sports that we’re much, much better than you at? i.e. current FIFA ranking: England = 4th, Australia = 23rd .... If I were you I’d start talking beach volleyball and, erm, ‘Aussie Rules’ - you’re on much more solid ground there, Donut-boy.

Lucy said...

Since Murray said that 'anybody but England' thing a few years ago i have always made a point in wanting 'anybody but Murray' to win the Grand Slams. I was Federer all the way.

david g said...

Cheezy, your lengthy, fatuous comment could win a gold medal for the silliest comment ever made on a blog.

Why Australia ever went to the rescue of GREAT BRITAIN in WW1 AND WW2, I'll never know. Fancy Australians dying to save a bunch of up-themselves tossers like you. What a terrible waste!

Fortunately, Lucy is part of a new breed of POM. You're still living in centuries past when GREAT BRITAIN (how pretentious) ruled the world using military force, much like the Yanks are doing today!

Cheezy said...

"GREAT BRITAIN (how pretentious)"

Jesus christ on a bike.... Do you really think that the 'Great' in Great Britain was a name devised as some sort of arrogant statement? Yeah, knowing you, you probably do...

If you didn't have shit (or possibly fat) for brains then you might know that 'Great Britain', as originally coined, means large, as in the largest island in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island. It is not an acclamation of quality.

So: Wrong again.

Do you ever get bored of getting your humungous arse handed back to you, Chubster?

david g said...

There once was an ugly baby called Cheezy,

His mother knew his life wouldn't be breezy.

He sucked on his thumb,

Till it poked out his bum,

She said, "Playing the piano Cheezy, won't be easy!"

Cheezy said...

I'll take that as a 'No' then.

Just educate yourself. It takes time but it'll be worth it. You're obviously very young, so time is on your side.

As it is, you're an embarrassment.

Anonymous said...

I thought i was being brutal with dildo but damn you smashed his face in - which he seems to enjoy


Cheezy said...

It's for his own good, Q!

'Tough love', I call it.

david g said...

There once was an old woman called Q,

Who would be better placed in a zoo.

Both he and friend Cheezy,

Are impossibly greasy,

Neither of them will ever make Who’s Who!

Cheezy said...

Run along now, David. Grown-up time.

Anonymous said...

Dude i was who's who in 1974 because i scored in the upper 1 percentile on the ACT college entrance exam. Just sayin


Cheezy said...

Ha! Wrong once again then :-p