One Februray Morning In Downing Street

 Downing Street February 2022

The Prime Minister is sitting looking at the Newspaper headlines as the Cabinet file in for their daily meeting.

'They're all going to blame me' says Boris shaking his head and holding up that morning's Daily Telegraph to show the headline 'Brit's Head For Cost Of Living Crisis'

'It cost me almost £100 to fill up my car this morning' moaned Dominic Raab as he took his seat.

'Don't forget that Ofgem have also announced they expect the April energy price cap to increase by 54%' said Nadhim Zahawi, 'what we doing about that Rishi? Your the money guy'

'Hmm...' mused Rishi scratching his head, 'we could tax the oil companies' which bought an audible gasp from around the table.

'Steady on' said Boris, 'they donate millions to us so we don't do that. What else you got?'

'How about we loan the public a couple of hundred quid to pay the oil companies, that way their profits are not affected?

'Go with that' nodded Boris, 'Ok, what about this rise in National Insurance?'

'Bit harsh putting up tax when people are already struggling' observed Grant Shapps 'So how about we say its for the NHS. The plebs won't kick off if they think its for Nurses and sick people?'

'Sneaky. I like it' said Boris 'but we still have the problem of inflation reaching the highest i's been for 40 years, massive hikes in petrol costs and the rise in the cost of living. Any one got any ideas of how we can blame someone else for it?

'Apologise for getting Brexit done?' said Kwasi Kwarteng to laughter all around the room

'As if we are going to admit to that one' smiled Boris 'come on lads, there must be someone we can blame, the economy is top of the voters list and i'm buggered if im going to take the blame for this as well, everyone already hates me for all those Downing Street piss-ups while they were locked down'.

'Well...there is the chance that Russia could invade Ukraine' suggested Jacob Rees-Mogg

'Go on' Said Boris leaning forward in his chair.

'Well if Russia does invade Ukraine' Jacob continued, 'We could blame Putin's war for all the price rises that are going to happen anyway'.

'I don't know' said Priti Patel slowly. 'The public are not as stupid as we think they are. Will they buy it?'

'Why not?' asked Boris standing up 'They swallowed the whole it wasn't Brexit it was Covid-19 bullshit so let's pray Russia invades Ukraine'

August 2022

Boris is standing in a Press Conference when he is asked by a reporter about the rising cost of energy bills and seizing the moment replies: 'Vladimir Putin is to blame for British people being hit by high energy bills, we are paying in our energy bills for the evils of Vladimir Putin'

As he leaves the stage James Cleverly whispers to him 'Think you got away with that?'

Boris shrugged and replied 'I don't care, im off in 2 weeks so it's Liz's problem. Have you seen Rishi? He still owes me a tenner'.