Special Guest Blogger: The Grim Reaper

I do love this Day as Halloween is the only night of the year when I can go out for a drink although Halloween has become so commercialised now. You lot seem to have forgotten the true meaning of the undead walking the Earth but you meat-bags do tend to complicate things which are really not that complicated, such as dying.
You are born, you live for a while and then you die but you invented all these things to explain what happens and where you go, if i had a penny for everytime one of you mention how surprised you are by how uneventful your last moments were so let me tell you now there are no tunnels of light, nothing flashes before your eyes, your just dead. Inside every living person is a dead person waiting to get out and that's where i come in.
Using my scythe, i sever the last ties to your life, i'm basically just admin so i don't understand why everyone makes me out to be the bad guy. It's not like i killed you, i'm just the one giving your soul safe passage to the afterlife. Imagine if you had to go alone, it's actually quite nice of me to take you and i don't care if you been good or bad, that's for other people to judge. I will mock you though if you die in a particularly stupid way.
Dying, and therefore me, have been around since the Universe was created, born in the furnace of a long dead sun and then the first living thing dragged itself into life which is longer ago than i care to consider.
I do remember the dinosaurs, i think an asteroid killed them all and then humanity arrived, loved, created brilliant things, fought with each other and died and will until one day the Sun will expand beyond the realms of the inner planets and consumes it all which is a shame because when the last living thing dies, my job will be finished and i will be at a bit of a loose end.
I did ponder the reason for it all with Einstein when he died, nice guy, strange hair but he explained his theory but i'm just the ferryman between this world and whatever comes next, his 'Time is relative' bit went right over my head but apparently we exist simultaneously at all points in time. Or something. I wasn't really paying attention. His hair really was that distracting.
I have been there for all the big events, you people do keep me busy. The hippy guy on the cross, all your Kings and Queens but i did enjoy the French Revolution. Whatever you think about the French, they gave violent insurrection a certain touch of class although i didn't like that Austrian guy too
much, he pushed so much work my way but he was SO shouty but one of the worst moments was while stood at the dock when the Titanic set sail from Southampton.
Nobody that day could imagine the horror that awaited 100 years later when Celine Dion would sing 'My Heart Will Go On'. Awful tune.
The British do deal with death in a way i always found slightly cold and odd. While other cultures wailed and gnashed their teeth in sorrow or celebrated the life now gone, the British always just give a collective shrug and go back to talking about the weather.
Truth be told, after all this time and meeting so many of you i do have a soft spot for humans but you've really got to stop being wankers to each other. When will you learn?
Whatever your gender, race, religion or sexual orientation, you're all as insignificant as each other. Lots of you are going to be very embarrassed when you find out there's no supreme being and you wasted all those Sunday mornings when you could have been doing something more fulfilling, like ... well... practically anything so live your best lives and treat everyday like it's your last because one day it will be and we will meet in person which will be nice, not for you obviously but i like the company, being the Grim Reaper can get a bit lonely sometimes.