Football Jargon For Newbies

On Paper the England Team should have too much for the Senegalese in the World Cup Round of 16 but as some smart-arse once said the game is played on grass and not paper and as some of the Big Dogs have found out, some of the supposed minnows should not be taken lightly but if you are new to Football and your knowledge stops at 'kick the ball and make it go in that direction', then you are probably wondering what the dickens the commentators are talking about so here are some of the Football terms that you need to know in order to enjoy the game.
First lesson is the game is called Football, only Americans call it Soccer and you will be immediately shunned by the Footballing community if you use this certain Americanism or call a nil-nil game 'a shut-out' or call boots, 'cleats'.
The game starts once the ref has checked with his Line-o's and each side will attempt to put the ball in the back of the net while trying to keep a clean sheet and this can be achieved by Parking the bus or making it a game of two halves and bringing on your sub in the later stages, usually a showboater once the legs are gone on the opposition which can really fire up the 12th man.
Some teams have a few hard men who will nobble the other side's Class Act by playing the man and not the ball or try and con the ref and line-o by diving, especially if the defender has the striker in his pocket but generally goals are scored following a howler.
The Video Assistant Referee has been introduced to decipher pen calls which are ball-to-hand or offside although even this can lead to some managers giving the fourth official the hairdryer treatment, it is easy for a manager to lose the dressing room if things are not going the right way for their team.
If you can nick a goal early doors and then shut up shop to grind out the win by taking the ball to the corners late on then you will be successful but sometimes it isn't that easy and then the Subs can play a big part, especially if the box-to-box player who has put in a shift is starting to flag in the latter stages of a game or if a player has received a hospital ball and is unable to run it off or is injured beyond the help of the magic sponge.
The best teams have a combination of a target man up front teamed with a fox in the box although some now play with a false nine and a combination of an anchor in midfield and one who can play in the hole but even the best can miss a sitter and see their chance hoofed into Row Z.
That's pretty much all you need to know to understand football, just don't ask anyone what the offside law is because its complicated and takes so long to explain that it would have probably been changed by FIFA by the time they have finished.