It doesn't seem like it was 12 months ago that i was singing Auld Lang Syne and doing that strange cross armed handshake thing with a bunch of people i didn't know but the calendar doesn't lie so here's my A to Z of what went on since the new Calendar went up on the wall 52 weeks ago.
A - Abortion Rights In America. What abortions rights you ask? Exactly. Chalk one up for the Bible Squad.
B - Boris Johnson. He came, he saw, he got caught lying once too often and his own party refused to work with him and when the Conservative Party think you are a liability while they have Priti Patel and Suella Braverman sat right there, you know you have hit rock bottom. Was the worst Prime Minister ever until his immediate successor relegated him to second worst.
C - Climate Change. Mother Nature stamped her feet and said it's not my job to keep you mugs alive, take this and broke almost every weather record in a tantrum.
D - Deliver, Deliver, Deliver. Liz Truss threw this into every speech and she did deliver, shame it was a wrecked economy after her 6 week debacle.
E - Elon Musk. A man who bought Twitter for $44 billion then fired the board of directors, laid off 50% of the workforce and then resoundingly lost a poll he set up asking if he should quit.
F - FIFA. Took the World Cup to Qatar who said everyone was invited as long as you’re not gay, into science or ask about the 6,000 dead workers or anything.
G - Gorbachev. Everyone's favourite Russian despite accidentally taking the Soviet Union out of existence but embracing Capitalism with a commercial for Pizza Hut.
H - Heat or Eat. A much used phrase during the economic debacle this winter but many old people couldn't decide and conveniently for the Government died instead rather than bother them with such things.
I - Inflation. The Bank of England's job is to keep it below 2% so when it hit 11% boy there was some red faces, mostly people doing star jumps to keep warm because they now couldn't afford to turn on the heating.
J - James Webb Space Telescope. Replacement for the Hubble Telescope which means we can now see even more galaxies, black holes, quasars, stars and asteroids which we can smash our old satellites into.
K - King Charles III. Took over as Monarch aged 74 and his first act as sovereign was to moan about the pens in Buckingham Palace.
L - Lionesses. An England football team who is actually good and won a major competition? 22 women chase a ball for 120 minutes and, at the end, England actually win and we all get a good view of Chloe Kelly's sports bra.
M - Matt Hancock. When you are responsible for tens of thousands of deaths and breaking the rules you demanded other people follow, going to Australia and eating the genitals of various animals is sometimes the only answer. He finished 3rd after a concerted effort from his Office which stank as did his breath, of Kangaroo anus.
N - Nuclear Fusion. Scientist created a nuclear reaction that combined two atoms to create one or more new atoms with slightly less total mass where the difference in mass is released as energy where energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. Nope, nor me but they seemed excited about it.
O - Omicron. The milder smaller brother of the Covid-19 virus which allowed the World's Governments to forget it ever existed in the first place.
P - Palace Racist. When you ask someone 5 times where they are 'really' from and they continually say Britain, it is safe to assume they are British unless you are 83 year old Lady Susan Hussey who refused to believe a black person can also be British.
Q - Queen Elizabeth II. Responsible for 70 years of rule and an extra day off in September to watch her funeral which nobody did. Thanks Lizzie.
R - Rishi Sunak. Rejected by his own MP's then rejected by his own Party Members but got to become Prime Minister by default anyway because he was the only one stupid enough to put his name forward once Liz Truss buggered it all up.
S - Strikes. All the Nurses, Teachers and train drivers who kept us alive and kept the nation running through the two years of lockdown found out that clapping on the streets and being called Heroes doesn't translate into them being paid an inflation equaling pay rise, the Government telling them to take the real-terms paycut like everyone else. Damn Cheek
T - Trump. As the saying goes, if at first you don’t succeed, sulk like a toddler and baselessly claim that an election was stolen from you and then try, try again which is what the lardo has done with his announcement that he will run for President again. Low IQ Americans everywhere got excited at his potential comeback.
U - Ukraine. Invaded by Russia which meant that they got the sympathy vote at the Eurovision Song Contest and relegated us to Runner Up. Plans to request France invade us just before the next one were postponed when we got given it anyway as Ukraine was deemed too unsafe to host it.
V - Voting. Three Prime Ministers in 3 months, the second one voted for by 48,000 Conservative Party members and the third one voted for by 150 MP's so in one of the oldest Democracies in the World, a nation which goes to war to enforce Democracy elsewhere, its not such a thing.
W - Will Smith. The actor learnt a valuable lesson when he slapped Chris Rock across the face at the Oscar Ceremony. Wear gloves next time, his hand must have stung something cruel afterwards.
X - SpaceX. Making great strides in Space Exploration and the capsules looks really cool inside which is surprising as the company is run by a complete tool.
Y - Ye. Never the most cerebral of people, the musician formally known as Kanye called 400 years of slavery 'a choice' and followed that up teaming up with anti-Semites, lunching with Donald Trump and twittering swastikas while telling people to stop hating on Hitler, denied the Holocaust and said he was 'going death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE'.
Z - Zelenskyy. A comedian who became the leader of his nation and is inspiring and leading them against one of the Worlds military superpowers which is different to most western leaders who make people laugh AFTER they take power.
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