Today Is...Ascension Day

If you are wondering why as an Atheist, i have so many religious days in this Today Is...series, it's because my writing partner is a man of the cloth and whenever i say hmmm..we need something for such and such a day he pulls out a religious day which is obvious really because the Church has more religious days than it has scandals but if we have nothing else then we go with it, such as today, if only to annoy him by making fun of it.
Today is Ascension Day because there is not enough Holy Days over Easter with Lent, Palm Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, they go and have one 40 days after Easter Egg Day and it is to commemorates Jesus going back home to heaven.
John Lennon got it right in his imagine song when he said 'Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky but at that time it was believed that the Cosmos was split into three distinct parts, Heaven above, Hell below and Earth in the Middle and for anyone looking up towards the sky, the blue sky was the floor of heaven but there was some frantic rewriting of all that when telescopes were invented and humans developed a Space Program and found only clouds and the ozone layer above our heads.
Now Christians believe that Heaven is not actually a physical place but a state of being but originally they believed that this world would be transformed into heaven but anyone who had read a newspaper recently or watched the New on TV knows that never happened or if it has then Heaven certainly isn't what they expected.
You see, the thing about Heaven is that Heaven is for people who like the sort of things that go on in Heaven, like singing, talking to God, watering pot plants whereas Hell, on the other hand, is for people who like the other sorts of things like adultery, pillage, torture, those general areas but my personal favourite out of all the many heaven's the differing religious folk have is the great big field of the Egyptians called the Elysian Fields.
It is a land of eternal peace, with magnificent crops and bread and beer which never goes stale and who doesn't like the idea of bread and beer that never goes stale so pencil me in for that one.