Today Is...International Nurses Day

Nurses always top all the most trusted profession polls while Government ministers, estate agents and journalists not so much and as we all need a nurse at some point in our lives, i consider them one of the most important people we will ever cross in our lives which is why it is so shameful the way they have been treated by the UK Government, we can only hope that when any of the politicians denying them a decent payrise are in hospital, the nurse responsible for their pain relief is off sick that day.
Due to the awful treatment of our nurses, NHS bosses are concerned that Nurses will be upping sticks and taking their bedside manner somewhere where they will be more appreciated and some are looking across the Atlantic to where they are looking for nurses to fill the estimated shortfall of 100,000 nurses at US hospitals.
The average wage of a nurse in the USA is £40,000 while in the UK it is £30,000 so it is understandable why some of the caring profession could be lured abroad which is ironic considering we poach them from all around the world in the first place but why should a nurse decide to ignore the call from Uncle Sam. Let me explain:

1: Wild Animals. In Britain the most dangerous animal we have is a hedgehog while in America they have wolves, bears, rattlesnakes, sharks and something called fire ants. Stay here and it's picking hedgehog needles out of someones foot. Go over there and it's sucking snake venom out of a sweaty Texan's backside.    
2: Tea: You will never get a decent cup of tea, they drink it cold and the don't use kettles. Make a cup of tea, leave it for two hours and then drink it and that's what you will be drinking for the foreseeable future.  
3: Driving. Americans drive on the opposite side of the road and they don't have roundabouts, instead they have a complicated system of crossroads. If you make it to work with your car intact you can consider yourself fortunate. Stay here and it's mirror, signal and manoeuvre and a leisurely drive at 20mph behind a Nissan Micra.
4: History: Britain gave the World modern nursing and has a rich history. There are beds in British hospitals that were built when the Pilgrim fathers were still on friendly terms with the Natives.  
5: Spelling: While Britain gave the Americans their language, they decided that 5 vowels was one vowel too many and dropped the letter 'u'. Good luck trying to explain that to the man with the ulcus cruris or pustuled uvula .
6: Guns. America has completely mad gun laws so while in Britain it's fluffing the pillows of the man having his gall stones removed, in America you will be dealing with multiple gun shot wounds all day every day. On top of that you will have to live among a community with a larger arsenal than the 16th Air Assault Brigade.
7: Humour: You won't be at work all the time and at some point you will have to turn on a TV. Do that in Britain and it's Blackadder, QI, Red Dwarf, Monty Python, Downton Abbey. In America it's Seinfeld and repeats of the X-Files all day.
8: Prince Harry: He is still there which means he isn't here.

So that's your choices Nurses, go over to America and drink cold tea, get eaten by a bear if you survive the crossroads and have Prince Harry on yet another national tour of TV studios bemoaning his lack of privacy while you relax or stay here, use the letter u and marvel at normal non fatal ants.