Shhh...I Don't Think Anybody Noticed Rishi

It's OK, Rishi, due to the coronation i don't think anyone noticed that your Conservative Party lost over 1,000 seats in the local Elections on Thursday.
Your own spokesman announced before the voting that if you lost 500 it would be awful but if you lost 1,000 it would be catastrophic which we all assumed was an attempt to manage expectations as never in your wildest dreams did you expect to lose that many and you could then deem it some sort of 'success' as you didn't hit the 1,000 losses figure but for that to work you have to avoid doing worse than the lowest expectations you set in the first place, which you never, you went stomping past it.
Some Conservative Councillors didn't try and sugar coat it, they came out and straight up blamed Boris Johnson and Liz Truss for doing the damage to the Conservative brand but some did come out and try to explain away why the nation had flipped them a massive middle digit with Andrea Leadsome being the best.
'What the county is clearly telling us' explained the former Secretary of State for Business 'is that they want more of Rishi Sunak’s policies' which even for the most deluded is a hard sell considering the country had just clearly told the Rishi Sunak Government to feck orf.  
Special mention to John Redwood who insisted that the losses were all because of the party not being nasty enough to foreigners and for abandoning the Liz Truss economic model, the model which tanked the UK economy and shoved up everybody's interest rates, that economic model.
As for Keir Starmer's Labour, with the country finally waking up to how awful the Conservative and their right wing political ideology has been, as long as he isn't photographed punching orphans in the face with a kitten, he should order some curtain samples for Downing Street.