After the Rod Stewart, Abba, Madness and Queen musicals, prepare yourself for the next lyrical genius to have a musical made of his music, and yes it's a miracle because its only Barry Manilow.
He may have boasted how he wrote the songs that made the whole world sing, but he also wrote the song that made the whole world sick in Copacabana, a song so cheesy it could be cut into slices and served on a cheeseburger.
To be fair on the white shoe wearing warbler, he has a very good voice and can tinkle the ivories better than most but the thought of sitting through a musical comprising entirely of Barry Manilow songs leaves me as cold as poor Tony who was shot by Rico who went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar, and then the punches flew and chairs were....hell, he's got me doing it now.
Whoever thought this would be a good idea should be taken high upon a hillside, high up where the stallion meets the sun. And left there till he apologises.
Sorry, i am sure that you are a great guy who has bought enjoyment to millions with your ballads and songs about not being able to smile but Barry, we don't need you today, Oh Barry.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
British Gas Ripping Us Off Again
If ripping off its customers was an Olympic Sport, we would have the Gold medal winners in British Gas owner Centrica who have announced yet another massive fuel price hike.
Blaming “soaring wholesale energy prices” Centrica have announced it is to raise gas prices by 35% with immediate effect.
Centrica made a profit of £2 billion pounds in 2007, and British Gas announced that its profits for the first half of the year were down by 69% to £166m.
Now a cynical person would suggest that the only reason why they've increased prices by 35% is to protect their disgustingly high profits and very little to do with "soaring wholesale energy prices."
We have six utility companies and like the cartel that it is, all of them raise their prices within a few weeks of each other and rake in the profits, leaving the customer no choice whatsoever so where is the Monopolies commission investigation who are supposed to protect us from getting ripped off like this?
Does anyone in this country still believe that privatising utilities such as gas, water and electricity was good for anyone apart from shareholders?
Most will blame this on Mr Brown but it was Margaret Thatcher who privatised all these companies so the fat cats at the top can lavish themselves with massive perks and bonuses.
There are alternatives though. We can take to the streets in a repeat of the Poll Tax riots or the Government can nationalise the utility companies and have state-owned companies providing cheaper gas to customers instead of a private company making profits for its shareholders.
Gordon, this is your chance to swing the electorate behind you, nationalise the utility companies and the rail network. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain and probably about the only opportunity you will have to change the direction you and your party are heading.
UPDATE: In a massive public relations coup, the day after raising customers prices by 35%, Centrica announce half year profits of £1b for 2008.
Blaming “soaring wholesale energy prices” Centrica have announced it is to raise gas prices by 35% with immediate effect.
Centrica made a profit of £2 billion pounds in 2007, and British Gas announced that its profits for the first half of the year were down by 69% to £166m.
Now a cynical person would suggest that the only reason why they've increased prices by 35% is to protect their disgustingly high profits and very little to do with "soaring wholesale energy prices."
We have six utility companies and like the cartel that it is, all of them raise their prices within a few weeks of each other and rake in the profits, leaving the customer no choice whatsoever so where is the Monopolies commission investigation who are supposed to protect us from getting ripped off like this?
Does anyone in this country still believe that privatising utilities such as gas, water and electricity was good for anyone apart from shareholders?
Most will blame this on Mr Brown but it was Margaret Thatcher who privatised all these companies so the fat cats at the top can lavish themselves with massive perks and bonuses.
There are alternatives though. We can take to the streets in a repeat of the Poll Tax riots or the Government can nationalise the utility companies and have state-owned companies providing cheaper gas to customers instead of a private company making profits for its shareholders.
Gordon, this is your chance to swing the electorate behind you, nationalise the utility companies and the rail network. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain and probably about the only opportunity you will have to change the direction you and your party are heading.
UPDATE: In a massive public relations coup, the day after raising customers prices by 35%, Centrica announce half year profits of £1b for 2008.
Sunday, 27 July 2008
Mr Burns Talking Nuclear Power Plants
The USA has agreed to participate in nuclear talks with Iran, but i can't help thinking that they are not taking them seriously. They are sending some chap called Mr Burns.
How can Iran take seriously a man who previously operated a biological weapons laboratory until it was destroyed by hippies?
Burns has also owned a number of business ventures in Springfield, including an ocean slurry manufacturing plant, Burns Slant Drilling Co., Burns Media and used his wealth to blackmail and bribe various members of Springfield, including Nuclear safety inspectors.
He once attempted to block out the sun to force Springfield residents to increase their use of electricity produced by the Nuclear Plant.
Mr Burns is obviously not the right person to talk to Iran about their nuclear ambitions so if you are not going to do it properly America, don't do it at all.
Mr Ahmadinejad, if a 100 year old yellow man is sat across the table from you and mumbling 'Excellent' under his breath when you turn up for the meeting, release the hounds!
Alternatively, if it is the US Under Secretary of State, Mr William Burns, carry on.
How can Iran take seriously a man who previously operated a biological weapons laboratory until it was destroyed by hippies?
Burns has also owned a number of business ventures in Springfield, including an ocean slurry manufacturing plant, Burns Slant Drilling Co., Burns Media and used his wealth to blackmail and bribe various members of Springfield, including Nuclear safety inspectors.
He once attempted to block out the sun to force Springfield residents to increase their use of electricity produced by the Nuclear Plant.
Mr Burns is obviously not the right person to talk to Iran about their nuclear ambitions so if you are not going to do it properly America, don't do it at all.
Mr Ahmadinejad, if a 100 year old yellow man is sat across the table from you and mumbling 'Excellent' under his breath when you turn up for the meeting, release the hounds!
Alternatively, if it is the US Under Secretary of State, Mr William Burns, carry on.
Englands Chance To Shine At Olympics

So how to fill those 10 mins with so much Englishness that it will have the audience chomping at the bit for athletes running, jumping and throwing things under a rain leaden London Sky in 2012?
I have not been invited to participate in the selection process but if i had been i would be scouring the cities and towns for English peeps that have worldwide appeal. We want a family sitting on their sofa in Chile to be saying, "You know what Diego, England really is a cultural hotspot" and not "Who the bloody hell's James Blunt, and why has he not been put in the tower for crimes against humanity?"
David Beckham is a given although what he can do is a question. Maybe we can pencil him in for some serious standing there looking like David Beckham. Leona Lewis can sing something, maybe if we give her the full 9.48 minute version of Bat out of Hell it only leaves us 12 secs to fill although i think we can find something a bit more appropriate nearer the time.
Daniel Craig of James Bond fame can be lowered by helicopter into the stadium. Getting him to kick a few freeloading dignitaries in the face would be a nice touch and very popular.
It is unlikely we could drag the Queen into anything but we have to include some Shakespeare somehow and red telephone boxes, men in bowler hats, hackney cabs and London Buses complete with grumpy conductors moaning because you don't have the exact change.
I would like to see something that symbolises England so how about we save the expense and just have an old lady pushing out a tea trolley to the centre of the stadium while moaning about how the weather is playing havoc with her bunions. A cup of tea and moaning, you can't get much more English than that.
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Another Nail In The Labour Party Coffin
When you lose a seat you have held for 60 years and is probably as close to a safe seat as is possible to possess, you have pretty conclusive proof that your Government is in trouble.
The voters of Glasgow East are the latest to pass an opinion on this Government and they have rejected it forcibly with a 23% swing away from the ruling Labour Party.
Some in Labour have privately reached the conclusion they'd be better off without Mr Brown but are aware that removing him would certainly be bloody and would lead to demands for a general election the party would almost certainly lose.
No-one is going to risk challenging for the leadership only to be totally annihilated at the General Election and be consigned to oblivion. Better to wait for the inevitable bloodbath and then step in to take over when The Party is at its lowest ebb.
And then there is the other option i feel should be considered, do nothing and let the Conservatives win the next election. Call it a tactical withdrawal and here is how i envisage it panning out.
Those in the know are forecasting difficult financial times ahead. House prices will continue to fall, food and fuel prices continuing their upward trajectory and pay increases pegged to below inflation as we sail into a full blown recession.
Financial experts are quoting between 24 and 36 months before we come out the other side and by then it is hard to think of anything other than a slow and painful recovery. Whoever leads this country through these choppy waters is on a hiding to nothing and that's where my gamble kicks in.
Call an election now, take the inevitable beating and sit it out in the safety of opposition while the inexperienced David Cameron and the Conservatives suffer the blows of a discontented public who by then will be ready to remove the party who had watched over them through the past 5 years of turmoil and be ready to take a chance on a new look, fresh, rejuvenated Labour Party.
It is a gamble but the only other option Labour have is to hold on for the next two years as the economy sinks even further and then get turfed out for the Conservatives to step in just as the good times are returning and condemning the Labour Party to a decade in the wilderness.
It may sound crazy but maybe the next election would be a good one to lose when you consider the long term picture.
The voters of Glasgow East are the latest to pass an opinion on this Government and they have rejected it forcibly with a 23% swing away from the ruling Labour Party.
Some in Labour have privately reached the conclusion they'd be better off without Mr Brown but are aware that removing him would certainly be bloody and would lead to demands for a general election the party would almost certainly lose.
No-one is going to risk challenging for the leadership only to be totally annihilated at the General Election and be consigned to oblivion. Better to wait for the inevitable bloodbath and then step in to take over when The Party is at its lowest ebb.
And then there is the other option i feel should be considered, do nothing and let the Conservatives win the next election. Call it a tactical withdrawal and here is how i envisage it panning out.
Those in the know are forecasting difficult financial times ahead. House prices will continue to fall, food and fuel prices continuing their upward trajectory and pay increases pegged to below inflation as we sail into a full blown recession.
Financial experts are quoting between 24 and 36 months before we come out the other side and by then it is hard to think of anything other than a slow and painful recovery. Whoever leads this country through these choppy waters is on a hiding to nothing and that's where my gamble kicks in.
Call an election now, take the inevitable beating and sit it out in the safety of opposition while the inexperienced David Cameron and the Conservatives suffer the blows of a discontented public who by then will be ready to remove the party who had watched over them through the past 5 years of turmoil and be ready to take a chance on a new look, fresh, rejuvenated Labour Party.
It is a gamble but the only other option Labour have is to hold on for the next two years as the economy sinks even further and then get turfed out for the Conservatives to step in just as the good times are returning and condemning the Labour Party to a decade in the wilderness.
It may sound crazy but maybe the next election would be a good one to lose when you consider the long term picture.
Friday, 25 July 2008
Obama Does Europe
It would be fair to guess that even in his wildest dreams, Barack Obama never envisaged standing before 200,000 adoring Germans with euphoric applause washing over him.
I watched it live on TV and was genuinely surprised by the reception afforded to the Democrat nominee who was standing in front of the Brandenburg Gate delivering a message of mending fences between Europe and America.
The trip to this side of the Atlantic has been a resounding success which must really chime with the Republican Party who have been whistling in the wind at home for the past week as the focus has been on Obama who said all the right things at the right time in Berlin and Paris.
Tonight he was standing beside French President, Nicolas Sakorzy, decrying what he described as "caricatures" on both sides of the Atlantic, with Europeans viewing the US as militaristic in their foreign policy, and Americans viewing Europeans as unwilling "to get their hands dirty" in world affairs.
So just why has Europe gone crazy for Obama? The simple answer is that we see in Obama exactly what he hopes Americans will see in him when it comes to their trip to the voting booth in November, a complete and wholesale change from the Bush era.
Obama tops every poll in which Europeans choose between him and McCain for US President, but Obama is not standing here and we don't have a vote but his team will hope that it proves to watching Americans that he is a man who can confidently stride the world stage and regain his country the respect it has been leaking at an alarming rate for the past eight years.
Europeans know that America hold the key to war or peace, wielding enormous influence on dragging European governments into conflicts, Iraq is the only too painful evidence of that. It is no surprise that many Europeans are now crying out for a less aggressive, more altruistic America that they can look towards with fondness again.
If elected Obama will be facing some tricky decisions with regards to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Palestine and Israel, decisions that could yet rupture the good will he has built here but for now we are happy to heap praise and admiration on a man whose most favourable characteristic is that he is increasingly looking like the longed for antidote to George Bush.
I watched it live on TV and was genuinely surprised by the reception afforded to the Democrat nominee who was standing in front of the Brandenburg Gate delivering a message of mending fences between Europe and America.
The trip to this side of the Atlantic has been a resounding success which must really chime with the Republican Party who have been whistling in the wind at home for the past week as the focus has been on Obama who said all the right things at the right time in Berlin and Paris.
Tonight he was standing beside French President, Nicolas Sakorzy, decrying what he described as "caricatures" on both sides of the Atlantic, with Europeans viewing the US as militaristic in their foreign policy, and Americans viewing Europeans as unwilling "to get their hands dirty" in world affairs.
So just why has Europe gone crazy for Obama? The simple answer is that we see in Obama exactly what he hopes Americans will see in him when it comes to their trip to the voting booth in November, a complete and wholesale change from the Bush era.
Obama tops every poll in which Europeans choose between him and McCain for US President, but Obama is not standing here and we don't have a vote but his team will hope that it proves to watching Americans that he is a man who can confidently stride the world stage and regain his country the respect it has been leaking at an alarming rate for the past eight years.
Europeans know that America hold the key to war or peace, wielding enormous influence on dragging European governments into conflicts, Iraq is the only too painful evidence of that. It is no surprise that many Europeans are now crying out for a less aggressive, more altruistic America that they can look towards with fondness again.
If elected Obama will be facing some tricky decisions with regards to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Palestine and Israel, decisions that could yet rupture the good will he has built here but for now we are happy to heap praise and admiration on a man whose most favourable characteristic is that he is increasingly looking like the longed for antidote to George Bush.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
On Yer Bike Cameron
Whatever your views on capitalism are, the fact remains that taking something that doesn't belong to you is wrong and our sympathies should be with the victims. Unless it is Tory leader David Cameron getting his bike pinched from outside Tesco, then it is bloody hilarious.
The Conservative leader said he was "annoyed" and "pretty hacked off" at what had happened after he had left it locked outside a supermarket while he shopped near his home in west London.
"If anyone has seen this bicycle, I would like it back," he said, "I've reported it online... but I'm not holding my breath", the spoilsport added dashing the hopes of millions.
Cameron's two wheeled antics have been a rich source of amusement for us here. The limousine that followed behind him with his briefcase as he cycled to work to boast about his green credentials was funny and then there was the pictures of him gliding effortlessly through a red light to ride the wrong way down a one way street.
The bike is already open to offers on Ebay, presently going for £10.50 and described by the seller as being big and blue and despite looking quite well-balanced it leans oddly to the right and not exactly new but nearly new because it has only been used for a couple of photo-opportunities.
The Conservative leader said he was "annoyed" and "pretty hacked off" at what had happened after he had left it locked outside a supermarket while he shopped near his home in west London.
"If anyone has seen this bicycle, I would like it back," he said, "I've reported it online... but I'm not holding my breath", the spoilsport added dashing the hopes of millions.
Cameron's two wheeled antics have been a rich source of amusement for us here. The limousine that followed behind him with his briefcase as he cycled to work to boast about his green credentials was funny and then there was the pictures of him gliding effortlessly through a red light to ride the wrong way down a one way street.
The bike is already open to offers on Ebay, presently going for £10.50 and described by the seller as being big and blue and despite looking quite well-balanced it leans oddly to the right and not exactly new but nearly new because it has only been used for a couple of photo-opportunities.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
All Summer Long
We are fast approaching the end of July and Summer has finally arrived in Britain with temperatures hitting the high 20's which has allowed us to partake in our greatest past-time. Moaning about the weather. I don't dislike summer, there is much to be said for it but much more to be said that's bad about it.
1. Insects. In the ideal world you would sit on the grass and enjoy the summer ambiance. In reality you spend five minutes slapping ants off your legs before running away from a large bee that seems to mistake your head for a sunflower.
2. Sunburn. For those of us with milk bottle white skin, sun block is essential summer wear but it is not easy to spend the entire summer months reflecting the sun rays. At one point you will let your guard down and within ten minutes your face is as red as Santa's coat and you have a week of wincing every time you move before returning back to the colour of cotton wool.
3. Hot summer nights. A handy tip is to place your pillow in the refrigerator 30 mins before you go to bed which gives you a ten minute window to drop off to sleep on a cool pillow otherwise its hours of tossing, turning and thumping your pillow before giving up and going down stairs to watch Knight Rider at 4am.
4. Hot Car Interior. Park in sun and you get third degrees burn off the steering wheel and seats the second you sit inside it. Park under a tree and your car is treated to a lovely covering courtesy of every pigeon in the City.
5. Short Temper. Probably due to number 3, the heat makes people cranky and irritable. I often spend the summer months dreaming up inventive ways of causing bodily harm to the slow moving customers in front of me in the supermarket queue. Amazing how many ways you can think of hurting someone with a box of tea bags when you put your mind to it.
6. People saying 'Is it hot enough for ya?'. Yes it is, as it was when the other 46 people said the exact same thing me previously. Now get out my sight before i perform Grevious Bodily Harm on your persons with my box of PG Tips.
Luckily our Summer is not that long in the UK, a couple of weeks of stunningly hot temperatures and then it is all over. Then we all start moaning about how rubbish our summer was.
1. Insects. In the ideal world you would sit on the grass and enjoy the summer ambiance. In reality you spend five minutes slapping ants off your legs before running away from a large bee that seems to mistake your head for a sunflower.
2. Sunburn. For those of us with milk bottle white skin, sun block is essential summer wear but it is not easy to spend the entire summer months reflecting the sun rays. At one point you will let your guard down and within ten minutes your face is as red as Santa's coat and you have a week of wincing every time you move before returning back to the colour of cotton wool.
3. Hot summer nights. A handy tip is to place your pillow in the refrigerator 30 mins before you go to bed which gives you a ten minute window to drop off to sleep on a cool pillow otherwise its hours of tossing, turning and thumping your pillow before giving up and going down stairs to watch Knight Rider at 4am.
4. Hot Car Interior. Park in sun and you get third degrees burn off the steering wheel and seats the second you sit inside it. Park under a tree and your car is treated to a lovely covering courtesy of every pigeon in the City.
5. Short Temper. Probably due to number 3, the heat makes people cranky and irritable. I often spend the summer months dreaming up inventive ways of causing bodily harm to the slow moving customers in front of me in the supermarket queue. Amazing how many ways you can think of hurting someone with a box of tea bags when you put your mind to it.
6. People saying 'Is it hot enough for ya?'. Yes it is, as it was when the other 46 people said the exact same thing me previously. Now get out my sight before i perform Grevious Bodily Harm on your persons with my box of PG Tips.
Luckily our Summer is not that long in the UK, a couple of weeks of stunningly hot temperatures and then it is all over. Then we all start moaning about how rubbish our summer was.
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Brown Out On A Limb Backing US & Israel
You can't keep a good Prime Minister down. or even - it seems- Gordon Brown as he turns up in the Middle East and throws his weight around.
Palestine, Israel and Iran have all felt the rough edge of the unelected leaders tongue these last few days as well as handing out cash and declaring Israeli alliance's straight out of the mouths of the nominees for the American Presidential election.
Either willingly or by sheer ignorance, Brown has walked straight into the trap laid by Israel and the US into maneuvering Iran into the gun sights.
Brown's remarks could well be seen as a signal that Britain would be prepared to support a military strike against Iran and that is not going to play well with the electorate for two reasons.
The first is that as the coffins of our servicemen are still being dispatched
back from the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts, there is little taste for yet more wars.
Secondly, and more controversially, a majority of the British have mixed feelings about Israel and find their treatment of the Palestinians abhorrent. The ongoing drama to boycott Israeli academics is just one example of the strength of feeling it engineers and it isn't improved any by the pictures in the newspapers today of the IDF soldier shooting the blindfolded and handcuffed Palestinian from a matter of feet away.
Brown may well be trying to soften us up for the next conflict with rhetoric and demonising Iran and its leader but hopefully we can see Brown for what he truly is. A drowning leader clutching at anything that he considers will give him a lift. By teaming up with the US and Israel in the 'let's threaten Iran' brigade, he has seriously over played his already weak hand. It may play well in the States with their religious voting block but Britain is a different kettle of fish.
Palestine, Israel and Iran have all felt the rough edge of the unelected leaders tongue these last few days as well as handing out cash and declaring Israeli alliance's straight out of the mouths of the nominees for the American Presidential election.
Either willingly or by sheer ignorance, Brown has walked straight into the trap laid by Israel and the US into maneuvering Iran into the gun sights.
Brown's remarks could well be seen as a signal that Britain would be prepared to support a military strike against Iran and that is not going to play well with the electorate for two reasons.
The first is that as the coffins of our servicemen are still being dispatched
back from the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts, there is little taste for yet more wars.
Secondly, and more controversially, a majority of the British have mixed feelings about Israel and find their treatment of the Palestinians abhorrent. The ongoing drama to boycott Israeli academics is just one example of the strength of feeling it engineers and it isn't improved any by the pictures in the newspapers today of the IDF soldier shooting the blindfolded and handcuffed Palestinian from a matter of feet away.
Brown may well be trying to soften us up for the next conflict with rhetoric and demonising Iran and its leader but hopefully we can see Brown for what he truly is. A drowning leader clutching at anything that he considers will give him a lift. By teaming up with the US and Israel in the 'let's threaten Iran' brigade, he has seriously over played his already weak hand. It may play well in the States with their religious voting block but Britain is a different kettle of fish.
Sunday, 20 July 2008
Everyone Wants To Be A Guitarist
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer. With the popularity of music games such as Guitar Hero, a commonly held suspicion among musicians has been confirmed. Of all the members of a band, the lead guitarist is the one everyone wants to be.
It is very rare that anyone stands in front of the mirror with a tennis racquet pretending to play bass or bop their parents upturned pots and pans with a wooden spoon aspiring to fill Roger Taylor's shoes.
It is either the singer or lead guitarist the vast majority of people dream of being, the charismatic ones at the front of the stage taking all the glory while the bass player and drummer mumble under their breath about how they could do that, they just don't wanna.
Not to underestimate bass players, there have been some great bass lines like The White Stripes '7 Nation Army', The Hives 'Because i wanna', Queen's 'Another One Bites The Dust' and the Jets 'Are ya gonna be my girl' but memorable bass lines are very few and far between and the same can be said for those in the drumming business.
'Smells like Teen Spirit' has an excellent drum beat and 'My Sharona' is about the only song i play drums to on the steering wheel as i drive along, but then i put My Sharona up as pretty much perfect in every aspect, especially the guitar solo in the long version, although the lyric 'I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind' is highly suspect.
Bass and drums are an integral part of any band but they are mainly there as the background noise for the likes of Slash, Hendrix, Kirk Hammet, Matthew Bellamy and Brian May to look cool.
There are kids and adults clutching their guitar shaped game pad and prancing about their living rooms all over pretending to be Slash although i defy anyone to do the thing he does with a cigarette, it takes a special type of person to be able to smoke a whole cigarette without removing it from their mouth and you won't see Mike Mills from REM do that.
It is very rare that anyone stands in front of the mirror with a tennis racquet pretending to play bass or bop their parents upturned pots and pans with a wooden spoon aspiring to fill Roger Taylor's shoes.
It is either the singer or lead guitarist the vast majority of people dream of being, the charismatic ones at the front of the stage taking all the glory while the bass player and drummer mumble under their breath about how they could do that, they just don't wanna.
Not to underestimate bass players, there have been some great bass lines like The White Stripes '7 Nation Army', The Hives 'Because i wanna', Queen's 'Another One Bites The Dust' and the Jets 'Are ya gonna be my girl' but memorable bass lines are very few and far between and the same can be said for those in the drumming business.
'Smells like Teen Spirit' has an excellent drum beat and 'My Sharona' is about the only song i play drums to on the steering wheel as i drive along, but then i put My Sharona up as pretty much perfect in every aspect, especially the guitar solo in the long version, although the lyric 'I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind' is highly suspect.
Bass and drums are an integral part of any band but they are mainly there as the background noise for the likes of Slash, Hendrix, Kirk Hammet, Matthew Bellamy and Brian May to look cool.
There are kids and adults clutching their guitar shaped game pad and prancing about their living rooms all over pretending to be Slash although i defy anyone to do the thing he does with a cigarette, it takes a special type of person to be able to smoke a whole cigarette without removing it from their mouth and you won't see Mike Mills from REM do that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)