We are fast approaching the end of July and Summer has finally arrived in Britain with temperatures hitting the high 20's which has allowed us to partake in our greatest past-time. Moaning about the weather. I don't dislike summer, there is much to be said for it but much more to be said that's bad about it.
1. Insects. In the ideal world you would sit on the grass and enjoy the summer ambiance. In reality you spend five minutes slapping ants off your legs before running away from a large bee that seems to mistake your head for a sunflower.
2. Sunburn. For those of us with milk bottle white skin, sun block is essential summer wear but it is not easy to spend the entire summer months reflecting the sun rays. At one point you will let your guard down and within ten minutes your face is as red as Santa's coat and you have a week of wincing every time you move before returning back to the colour of cotton wool.
3. Hot summer nights. A handy tip is to place your pillow in the refrigerator 30 mins before you go to bed which gives you a ten minute window to drop off to sleep on a cool pillow otherwise its hours of tossing, turning and thumping your pillow before giving up and going down stairs to watch Knight Rider at 4am.
4. Hot Car Interior. Park in sun and you get third degrees burn off the steering wheel and seats the second you sit inside it. Park under a tree and your car is treated to a lovely covering courtesy of every pigeon in the City.
5. Short Temper. Probably due to number 3, the heat makes people cranky and irritable. I often spend the summer months dreaming up inventive ways of causing bodily harm to the slow moving customers in front of me in the supermarket queue. Amazing how many ways you can think of hurting someone with a box of tea bags when you put your mind to it.
6. People saying 'Is it hot enough for ya?'. Yes it is, as it was when the other 46 people said the exact same thing me previously. Now get out my sight before i perform Grevious Bodily Harm on your persons with my box of PG Tips.
Luckily our Summer is not that long in the UK, a couple of weeks of stunningly hot temperatures and then it is all over. Then we all start moaning about how rubbish our summer was.