I always thought that the Godfather of soul was a crappy nickname, and i also thought that i may have a problem when i got up here, meeting God, the father of souls but he was cool about it but not so much with the other crap i did. I served time for robbery, assault, drug use, theft, possession of weapons, domestic violence and drink driving but my worst crime was being a lifelong Republican and a supporter of Richard Nixon, that cost me my support among the black community, that and being a maniac gun nut which in the land of maniac gun nuts takes some doing.
During an argument with a fellow singer over him mocking my brightly coloured suits and super cool cape, i shot at him with a shotgun and missed and accidentally shot seven other people, i got away with that as my management team paid off the injured people.
There was also that time when i shot up my wife's clothes closet and when i went to an insurance seminar with a shotgun and a pistol, not to learnabout insurance, i showed them my weapons and ordered everyone out of the room, and then left the scene in my pickup truck with the police in hot pursuit.
I was smashed off my face on PCP that time, as i was when during a TV interview when i answered every question with 'living in America'.
I was called the hardest working man in show business, as evidenced by my also being the sweatiest, man those capes made me hot in every way.
As for my death, i said to my doctor that i was feeling a little funky and on Christmas Eve i was feeling like a sex machine but on Christmas Day i was feeling a life support machine but even my death wasn't an end to the craziness.
Before i was buried they had to cut off my legs to settle a paternity suit to extract bone marrow for a DNA reading. Living in America, oh yeah.
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