Sunday, 23 November 2008

The Poet Laureate Job Is Mine

It seems that reality Television can be depended upon to choose anything from the next star of a musical to Alan Sugars assistant but finally plans are afoot to choose something that i feel i would excel at, the next Poet Laureate and as since the position has been held by men since it's creation in the mid 17th Century, the feeling is that it is time for a woman to get the gig.
The present Laureate, Andrew Motion, is coming to the end of his decade long tenure and the search is on for the next person with a poetic mind and a sharp pencil so i declare my interest in the post to compose poems for state occasions and put forward this blog post as my application.

The most obvious state occasion is the recession so i title this one, 'I'm Broke'.

My job was in the building sector
My redundancy pay is in Alliance & Leicester
My business loan in Northern Rock
My shares tied up in Woolworth's stock
My pension's in an Icelandic vault
My mortgage just moved into default
My possessions tucked in my daughters rucksack
My note pinned on the fridge says i won't be back
From the rat race i have withdrew
And i earn ten pence from each copy of Big Issue.

In honour of Prince Charles 60th Birthday celebrations, i call this one 'Why?'

IF you can keep your head when all about you,
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can wait for your mum to die and not be tired by waiting,
And yet don't look too good, nor seem too wise,
If you can't think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster,
And be too ignorant to know the difference just the same,
If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk other peoples money on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about their loss,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
Talking to plants about your distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be the next King, my son!

Plenty more where they came from so cancel the programme and email me on the address above to discuss terms and i will hand in my notice tomorrow.


Nog said...

But can you put in dactylic hexameter?

Falling on a bruise said...

I could do one about a Pteryadactyl in feet and inches if that's any good.

Anonymous said...

Never let the challenge of verse go unanswered!

A sharp-tongued green tree frog named Kvatch
Whose verse so few others can match
If made the new 'Lauriet'
Will strive, strain, suffer and sweat
To pen witty rhymes by the batch!

(Damn it's hard to find rhymes for 'Kv[ah]tch'! :-) )

Anonymous said...

...and to spell "Lauraete" as well apparently. ;-)

Anonymous said...


You have my vote.... ooops, my vote doesn't matter in the UK.