Monday, 31 July 2017

Gonna Need More Bubble Bath

Religious people do tend to take the Bible seriously, hence they will argue that the World was made in seven days and man was made from a pile of dirt but they tend to go quiet on the parts of the Bible that talks of unicorns, dragons and horses with the heads of lions or creatures that are half-rooster and half-snake and don't even mention the fire breathing sea creature with multiple heads. 
It's easier for them if you stick to the bits that doesn't spin off into Jason and the Argonauts territory such as why does the creator of humans hate almost everything about the act of humans reproducing?
He sure isn't a fan of periods as Leviticus 15:19-21 is all about how unclean periods are and anyone who touches a woman who is on her period is unclean for a day. Not only can nobody touch her but everything she lies or sits upon is also unclean and: 'whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the evening'.
If a man avoid his wife for a week and if they have sex during the remainder of the month, if the man 'has an emission of semen', Leviticus 15:16 says he must: 'bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening'.
Nine months after that bath time, according to Leviticus 12:2-4, a woman who has a baby is unclean for a month if it's a boy and two months if it's a girl, because girls are extra ikky obviously.
Hopefully the male Churchy types have a decent supply of loofahs and bath wash to scrub themselves with and the women have a cellar to live in for a week each month to avoid contaminating things with their period lurgies.
It would be unfortunate if you live a life of purity only to get turned away from the Pearly Gates because you once sat on something your wife touched while on her monthlies or if you seeked a wizard for some reason.
What has Wizards got to do with it you may ask?
In a book that has talking snakes among all the crazy, is it such a surprise to find that God hates Wizards as well as you discover if you carry on reading Leviticus to 19:31 where it says: 'Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them'.
I don't know what being defiled by a wizard entails but if you are the type to hate homosexuals because an imaginary man in the sky tells you to than you had better burn that Harry Potter DVD just in case.


Anonymous said...

Funny, this stuff write about people that believe in God is your little imaginary world. Billions in the world believe in God and you project the beliefs of a few thousand literalists onto the billions... like i said, your little imaginary world.

Of course, that is how you are about economics, AI, government, equality, history... pretty much everything.


Falling on a bruise said...

Billions also believe in Santa and the tooth fairy but they realise at around aged 8 there is no such thing but it appears religionists just go on believing despite all the evidence that it is as nonsensical as someone in the North Pole bringing them presents. Maybe it's the unicorns or multi headed sea monsters that keep you believing.