Special Guest Blogger: Mother Nature

So you lot are the Human Race are you. There are a few things almost everyone agrees on, that water is wet, babies are cute, and humans are the absolute worst species that was ever created.
I don't roll with the punches like i used to. Nearly every environmental disaster over the past century has been your fault and it's easy to assume that just because every other time you idiots have recklessly forced the entire planet down a path of destruction, i would step in once again and clean your goddamn mess when you prove ourselves woefully incompetent.
You turned up with an entire planet at your disposal and what did you do? Filled the clear blue skies with pollution, the beautiful oceans are now teeming with plastic, the ground has toxins that will poison the earth for tens of thousands of years and you hunted many other species sharing the planet with you into extinction.
With the start you had you could have soared ahead in so many ways, but honestly, you should be a utopia already but it turns out you have not only always been dumb creatures, but you have been dumb in this exact same way for a staggeringly long time despite people pointing out how dumb you were being.
My job is to provide for and nurture the fragile ecosystem of all life on Earth and i have been doing a pretty dang good job at it too until about 200 years ago when mankind flipped me the bird and said you were better at doing nature in every way, and proved it in increasingly extravagant, overcompensating ways such as nuclear power station and chopping down the rain forests.
I give you awe-inspiring displays such as rainbows and sunsets and not such awesome ones with warnings about what you doing such as destroying your towns with surging flood waters or setting your forests on fire with a well-placed lightning strike as a constantly reminder that this is my World and you are only squatting on it until i eventually knock the lot of you off, which believe me, i will do.
Go ahead, see what you can do but remember i don't need you humans, your about as much use to me as a cat flap in an elephant house so you just go ahead and see if you can look after the place and each other because it ain't in my interest to keep you all alive, you lot are somewhat low down on my list of give-a-tosses.
I'll tell you what, the dinosaurs never caused me this much trouble.