Special Guest Blogger: Mrs Santa Claus

It is nice that i have been asked to contribute, it's normally the husband that gets all the questions at this time of year but i guess i am more well known for making cookies with the elves, caring for the reindeer and preparing toys with my husband but i am also do all the public relations bits.
I am responsible for working out all the sponsorship deals, the one with Coca Cola continues to be very lucrative but the one with Lucky Strike cigarettes was not my best moment, it was the 1950s and we didn't know cigarettes were really bad for you so the message we aimed for was: 'Kids, if cigarettes really caused cancer, would Santa smoke them?' Well yes seeing as he's immortal but we really didn't think that one through.
You can now see Santa's face on everything from toilet seat covers to condoms but all the materials for those toys for boys and girls is not cheap and we have an army of hungry elves to feed and as the elf diet is mainly candy, cakes and cookies, keeping the North Pole Medical Centre stocked with insulin shots to treat their type 2 diabetes is expensive and not to mention the undernourishment and dental bills for rotten teeth.
All of Santa's little elves spend the whole year working and i join in building the toys for good little boys and girls but when i'm not spot welding mountain bikes for children, i also help out Santa with his naughty/nice list through the year but i do worry when he sets out to do the present run on Christmas Eve, it's the thought that he is 5,000 feet above the Earth's surface trying to steer his mystical toboggan led by a bunch of supersonic caribou but i am sure that him perverting the space-time continuum in frightening and unimaginable ways just so he can deliver a £10 gift certificate for Amazon is appreciated.
All that flying at supersonic speed does get him all riled up though and he comes home on Christmas day morning all full of energy and it's no use me saying i have a headache or pretending to be asleep, as everyone knows he knows when you are sleeping and he knows when your awake.
So Merry Christmas, everybody and remember to put out your milk and cookies for my husband, nobody wants a skinny Santa and remember to buy that Santa toilet seat cover and ensure that the Elf's stay fed.