There have been plenty of people throughout history that made amazing contributions to modern culture and got precisely dick in return so when my father became President and i got the spotlight, i had a choice of either acting with some class and decorum or running wild with it. I did the latter.
I had a rough start, i was named after my mother who died of kidney failure two days after my birth which devastated my father so much that he couldn’t even stand to be in my presence and sent me to live with my Aunt Anna for years on end so a dead mother and an absent father, Hello World!
My Father remarried and became a Governor and then Vice President and i found myself front and center on the world’s stage after President William McKinley stopped a couple of bullets with his stomach and pop found himself acting president and me the First Daughter.
Women were expected to make polite appearances at parties, but i was having none of that, i smoked, drank and gambled which annoyed my father who forbid me from smoking inside the White House, so i smoked on it's roof instead.
I would be forced to join stuffy meetings but after putting a tack on a chair of one no-chin wonder, i wasn't invited to so many more and after constantly interrupting my father in the Oval Office, he first threatened to throw me out of a window and then offered me a trip to Japan and China with a bunch of boring congressmen on a diplomatic cruise.
Bored with the serious crowd, i grabbed a congressman and dragged him fully clothed into the ship’s pool but that wasn’t the most outrageous thing to happen on that ship.
I got extra friendly with one congressman in particular, Nicholas Longworth III, 14 years older than me and by the time the ship docked back in the United States, we were engaged.
In 1909, my Father left the White House to make way for the disagreeable Taft family but i did leave them a present, a voodoo doll in the likeness of the First Lady, Nellie Taft, which i buried in the front yard of the property. I would have done him but he was so fat there wasn't enough wool.
They later banned me from the White House as did the guy afterwards, Woodrow Wilson, after i told a rude joke about him and i also ticked off Herbert Hoover by saying a Hoover vacuum was more exciting than him but i did get along with the Kennedy's and had a real soft spot for Richard Nixon but had no time for the peanut farmer, Jimmy Carter.
As for my marriage, the first years were great but things grew stale and got even staler when my husband ran for election and i publicly backed the other guy and all my affairs, wow there was a few of them, although getting pregnant by a Senator was a tad insensitive i admit.
I gave birth to my daughter Paulina and then carried on partying but then it all came tumbling down, my father died from a blood clot and then came the stock market crash and we almost went bankrupt and my now grown my daughter took her own life after her husband died but eventually, all good things come to an end and although my marriage kept going against all odds, i never and died aged 96 but what a blast!
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