When my husband became the King of Naples i told him to just be himself but that was pretty mean because we all knew he was a halfwit so i stepped up and was as cunning as any King, even Napoleon called me the only man in Naples.
Being born on the 13th August and being the 13th child you would think i had some bad luck and i did and not just having Marie Antoinette as a sister.
My story really begins when my other sister, Maria Johanna had a date for her wedding with King Ferdinand IV of Naples but when she suddenly died from smallpox, our parents put up our other sister, Maria Josepha, (notice a theme with the first names) but she also got smallpox and died but having 13 kids, my parents had quite an arsenal of young girls to replace dead sisters with and my parents chose me next because they had paid for the wedding cake and they were going to have a damned wedding.
The first hitch was the groom wasn't able to make it to Vienna on that day so he insisted we use a substitute which turned out to be my own brother so after making sure that he wasn’t also the proxy for the honeymoon, we married and i set off to Naples to meet my husband for the first time.
As a King he was awful, as pointless as a blunt pencil, relying on his courtiers to do everything so i thought i should be able to work my way in here and slowly removed all the powerful courtiers and started to make the decisions which my husband agreed to because, halfwit remember.
Just as i was getting a handle on the Royal life, it broke as over in France my sister was imprisoned by the French Revolutionaries and i was afraid the monarch dumping would spread to Naples so i sent out spies to collect information to know what the plebs where thinking and what they were thinking was that they really hated me.
After Marie Antoinette's beheading, i refused to recognise France as a Republic, which the French took as a slight and they sent battleships to destroy Naples so i sent Councillor Luigi de Medici to negotiate which he did, negotiated how he would help them get rid of us Royals as he also hated me.
In short, Napoleon (see what i did there?) occupied Naples and me and my family escaped to Sicily but the Brits did get our homeland back and i planned a revenge but hanging and beheading 1,000 Neapolitan's who i thought had plotted against me while actively hunting down more meant they were quite pleased to see Napoleon come back and conquer Naples again, leading me and my husband to flee to Sicily again and then i just gave up the whole idea of being Royalty and retired to Vienna where i died of a stroke and really, really hating on the French.
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