Tuesday, 22 August 2023

Today Is...Captain Cook Claims Australia For Britain

After two years of sailing, British Captain James Cook landed in Botany Bay where he has stuck a Union flag in the soil and said nice place, we'll take it.
What the natives thought is anyone guess and King George III must have thought, hmmm, what are we going to do with a land half a world away but of course the resourceful Brits did find a use for it, they sent their criminals there and look what they did to the place, let the local nursery school name their towns and cities so you can visit Nobby, Bong Bong, Wagga Wagga, Cocklebiddy, Coo Wee Rup, Humpty Doo, Iron Knob, Koolyanobbing, Mount Buggery, Wooloolmooloo or Tittybong.
It's amazing they did as well as they did considering the clientele and not to mention that every animal in Australia was trying to kill them, jellyfish, octopus and sharks in the sea while on land you have to dodge deadly spiders, crocodiles, dingoes, ants and giant centipedes.
Cook was later killed during an exploratory voyage in the Pacific while attempting to kidnap the Island of Hawaii's monarch, Kalani'opu'u, because he nicked one of his ships.
Unfortunately he got clobbered over the head with a coconut and disemboweled, boiled to remove his flesh and his bones were returned to his crew for a formal burial at sea which apparently is an honour but i doubt that it felt much like one at the time.

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