When his father died he inherited the French throne and was expected to continue his strict religious oversights as the 'lieutenant of God on Earth' which came with the crown but knowing that a bit of a pray wasn't going to cut it, he introduced new laws which made blaspheming punishable by mutilation of the
tongue and ordered the burning of some 12,000 manuscript copies of important Jewish books but the Pope wasn't satisfied and suggested that he join in on the crusades against the Muslims currently going on in the Middle East.
By the time he got his act together the Christians were on Crusade number seven and with hindsight maybe he should have asked more questions about what had happened at the other six but off he we went to Egypt with a thousand men and they were swiftly captured by the Egyptian army and more than the entire yearly revenue for all of France had to be paid for his ransom.
Being that massive ransoms for captured Kings who make almighty cock-ups of Crusades are expensive, he kicked out all the Jews who were charging interest on loans in France which now had to be paid to him instead of them so he put away the Francs he earned and the Pope came along again and said such a shame about the seventh crusade but i have a feeling that an eighth would be super successful.
Probably to nobody’s surprise, number eight worked out even worse than the first time and after attacking Tunis, Louis promptly came down with a fatal case of dysentery and died.
With all the mangled blasphemous tongues and the faint smell of burning Jewish books in the air all in the name of God, he managed to get myself venerated as a Saint, one of a few Saint's ever who died of the squirts.
No comments:
Post a Comment