Today Is...International Translation Day

My biblical hugging friend has taken me to task over my misrepresentation of the Bible and my description as it being violent because man has mistranslated some of the Hebrew and Aramaic language that it was written in. I am therefore happy to put right the correct translation as God really intended.

Exodus 31:15 'For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death bed early for being naughty.'
Leviticus 20:9 'Whosoever doeth any work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death paid a decent rate of overtime'.
Deuteronomy 22:20 'If on her engagement, evidence of a young woman’s virginity is not found, then the men of her town shall stone her to death give her a talk on having safe sex practises'.
Deuteronomy 21:18 'If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son then all the men of the town shall stone him to death ground him and not let him out to play'.
Deuteronomy 17:2-5 'If those among you hath gone and worshipped other gods, they shalt stone them with stones, till they die leave them to practise their faith in any way they want'.
Exodus 22: 18 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live own a cauldron and broomstick'.
Deuteronomy 22:23-25 'Girls who are Raped within the City Limits, you shall stone them to death find the rapist and put them in prison'.
Leviticus 24:16 'He that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death loudly tutted at'.
Deuteronomy 12:6 'If anyone entices you 'Let us go worship other gods' . . . you shall surely kill them politely decline the offer'.
Leviticus 20:13 'If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, they shall surely be put to death left to love whoever they wish'.
Leviticus 20: 10-12 'The man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death granted a divorce'.
Leviticus 20:15 'If a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death refused further employment as a shepherd'.

It seems that the Bible isn't all about killing people for their sins after all, it was all a mistake in the translation.