Special Guest Blogger: Henry Kissinger

One sign that you have lived a successful life is that people don't break out into wild laughter and applause when you die but nobody said being a politician was easy. To get to the top, you have to make some pretty hard decisions, the sort of decisions most of us wouldn't consider as they would appear callous, criminal, murderous and, above all else, cold-hearted, but i had no qualms about any of that stuff.
Instigate a coup to overthrow the elected Government of Chile and install a murderous thug for 17 years of torture and executions? Yep, i did that.
Fund a collection of brutal Brazilian army officers and block any attempt to stop them during 21 years of extreme torture? That would be me again.
Ignored Cyprus call for help and give approval to Greece and Turkey to invade Cyprus? Yeppers.
Solve the problem of the newly installed Argentinian dictatorship wanting to exterminate the opposition in a killing spree as swiftly as possible by saying ok but if you are going to do it, do it quickly? Well i was nothing if not a problem solver.
Had the idea of stopping Vietnamese soldiers hiding in Cambodia populated areas by carpet bombing the Cambodia populated areas. Sure if killing up to 500,000 innocent Cambodians and allowing Pol Pot to take charge but on the plus side it must have taken out a few Vietnamese also. Probably.
Promised the Kurds America would back them in their fight against Saddam Hussein and then once the revolution began, withdraw all financial and military support and ignore the resulting massacre? Another tick for me.
Block the US Government intervening when the right-wing regimes of Chile, Uruguay, Brazil, Argentina, Bolivia and Paraguay pool their resources to murder every single dissident on the South American continent, known as Operation Condor? Me again but they obviously they never killed all of them, just 80,000 of them.
Gave Indonesian Suharto the green light, as well as increasing US aid to the Indonesian military, to invade East Timor and kill a third of the island’s population. Of course i did.
Sure, sometimes your choices, actions and inactions can result in millions of deaths and make an already ultra-violent century even more destructive but also they can lead to a Nobel Peace Prize which i received for my work on the Vietnam Peace Accords, despite the whole Cambodia and
annihilating civilians en masse thing which they kindly overlooked.
As i was lying dying of heart failure in my home aged 100 i did wonder what my legacy would be but i needn't have worried because as soon as i got to the afterlife i noticed they had fired up the barbecue for my arrival, damn big one also but i did wonder how the likes of Hitler, Stalin and Mao made it there,
i guess they took into account my warm heart and then i realised, where i was i would have a i have a warm heart, feet, head, actually everything.
Still, that's the problem with today's politicians, damn snowflakes frown upon killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people.