Special Guest Blogger: David Koresh

Every religious nutjob in the world with some out-there theory thinks he's the reincarnation of whatever flavor of messiah you prefer but virtually all of them are, in fact, simply insane but i was not only the proud owner of the full allocation of all my marbles, but i was version 2 of the biblical King David and i knew that from a young age.
I am probably most famous for my doings with the Branch Davidians but i never created them, they existed long before i came along to guide them and they were not even my first choice, i originally took my messiaship from screaming on a street corner to the local Christian Church.
One of the perks of being a reincarnated messiah is that God had already decided certain things belonged to me, such as females, which i explained to the Pastor when i told him that God had decreed that i have sex with his daughter which was received about as well as telling the pastor God said i had to have sex with his daughter and in the religious world which is much more tolerant of saying some truly insane shit, i was banned by the congregation.
A leader without a flock to lead, i turned to the WACO Branch Davidians, a sect that had an imminent messiah figure handily already baked into their beliefs and i got a job as a guitarist in their sermons and began to casually mention i was their messiah who had come back to lead them and took the leadership once the previous leader died.
It became clear to me that these people really digged me and they loved my prophecies, especially the ones about how it is written that the Government, in league with Satan of course, will attempt to destroy the sect and they all needed to start hoarding guns and ammunition for the coming war.
As for why the alarm bell didn’t tinkle at this point, one can only conclude they may have done if the Government hadn't been quite so disturbed that someone preaching holy war is building an arsenal in Texas and showed up with guns. The congregation believed it was as God predicted, via me, and the initial raid resulted in casualties on both sides so a standoff ensued.
Fifty one days later they tried again and at some point a fire began that consumed the compound, and with it, the lives of 76 members of my band of religious folk but i was not one of them, i was already dead having shot myself in the head at the start of the raid so now the exciting bit is which biblical character i will be reincarnated as next. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed it isn't one of the Jewish ones as i do like my bacon sandwiches.