Monday, 5 November 2007

Bonfire Night

Up and down the length of the country, the English did their bit for Global warming tonight by lighting huge fires and setting off million of tonnes of gunpowder.
Guy Fawkes was the original terrorist but it is quite possible he was nowhere near the House of Lords and was fitted up by the Metropolitan Police after being wrongly trailed from a block of hovels.
The fear of further terrorist outrages allowed the government of the day to curtail civil liberties, stir up religious hatred and bring in draconian measures, a knee jerk reaction that is hard for us to imagine happening with our Governments today. ID Card anyone?
King James I decreed that "The discovery of this fiendish plot shall be celebrated evermore," although i don't think he had teenagers chucking bangers at passing buses in mind when he said it.
In order to halt said younger teenagers setting up mini explosions in the doorway of Woolworths at 1am, they banned the sale of fireworks to under-18s which is very responsible of our government to want to keep us safe from exploding things that cause harm.
Of course any teenager with a particular hunger for blowing things up could alternatively visit one of the arms fairs we hold regularly and buy rockets, ground-to-air missiles or helicopter gunships. That would get the net curtains twitching.

6 comments:

annie said...

ah, there goes my jaded idea of what bonfire night was like. sounds like our independence day to me.
i do enjoy a nice beach bonfire. loud fireworks, not so much.
thanks for indulging me while bursting my naive american bubble, lucy!

Joe the Troll said...

You still have Woolworths? I haven't seen one of those in a while.

Cheezy said...

Regrettably I haven't attended yet, but the bonfire night celebrations in the town of Lewes (near Brighton) are reputed to the best in the country.

http://allthingsbrightonbeautiful.com/gallery/lewes05

Marches... songs... boozing... crackers going off everywhere... burning barrels of tar rolling down hills... effigies of the sitting Pope being burnt (although they've also been known to burn effigies of people like Condoleeza Rice and Kim Jong Il too)... It gets pretty wild!

The Fez Monkey said...

Is it odd of me to consider Guy Fawkes to be a bit of a hero?

I remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. And not just because of Alan Moore, either.

Ook ook

Lucyp said...

Sorry annie, but thank you for inspiring the post. Maybe i can re-inflate your bubble by saying that we really do drink tea ALL THE TIME.
I am drinking one now as i type.

Yep, we still have Woolworths Joe but don't worry, you are not missing much.

Bib Laden has been popular among the bonfire effigy burning community lately Cheezy but i did see a kid guying with a maggie thatcher mask which made me chuckle. Didn't give any money of course but made me smile.

Fez, if someone blew up the current House of Lords all those Lords would have nowhere to sleep during the day.

Joe the Troll said...

"Bib Laden"

That's a beard, not a bib, but the mistake is understandable. :-)