Buffy Guide To Staying Safe Tonight

As the proud owner of every Buffy and Angel episode ever made, i feel properly qualified to pass on advice if a creature of the night tries to rip out your innards or turn you into one of the undead whilst you sleep in your bed tonight.
By far the most popular Halloween character you may encounter is a Witch.
Although they may possess the power to turn you into as frog, witches were killed by the thousand back in medieval times and are basically just warty women with pointy hats so if a woman with a big nose and dressed all in black climbs through your window tonight, after first checking it is not Jennifer Aniston, a blunt object to the noggin should cool her heels permanently.
Vampires are the living dead, forced to feed on the livings blood. They fear sunlight, the cross, fire and a stake through their heart. Their weakness is they always only go for the neck jugular so either sleep with a stake within handy grasp or wear a neck brace.
Come the full moon anyone can change into a ferocious werewolf which can only be killed by a silver bullet. Unless there is a full moon this evening you are safe from having your intestines being used to decorate your bedroom walls. If it is a full moon then a silver bullet is your only salvation so you better start melting down that cheap jewellery.
Demons come in many shapes and forms but they all have something in common, they can be killed in many ways from fire to decapitation. They may come from hell and be super strong but they tend to be easily distracted. The old "Look out, behind you" ploy will give you more than enough time to grab a handily concealed battle axe and remove it's ugly head.
Ghosts are just rubbish. They can’t hurt you and the only thing they can do is make scary noises. This can ruin a good night’s sleep, but it can’t hurt you.
Zombies are the walking dead but there drawback is they are as dumb as a bag of spanners and unless you are wearing lead boots, trousers and coat, you could easily outpace the slowcoaches before they get the chance to eat your brain. Fire or a bullet in the brain will stop them in their tracks.
Mummies are just zombies wrapped up in bandages, which makes it slower and more flammable than a regular zombie. Hopeless.
Probably the least welcome thing you could find looming over you in the dead of night is a robot. Whether they are cyborgs from the future, aliens or escapees from a local tourist attraction out to kill all of mankind, robots are notoriously hard to kill. Not only are they metallic, but they are always immensely strong and impervious to fire, bullets, hitting with blunt objects or swords and have clear, logical thought which anticipates your every move.
You cannot outrun it so the only chance you have is to confuse it's circuits with
some bizarre and confusing logic that will fry it's computerised brain trying to figure out. Reading out the lyrics to any REM song will work fine.

Stay safe this Halloween night.