Surviving Swine Flu

Admittedly i haven't seen anyone sporting one yet, but i just know that soon we are going to be sharing our pavements and town centres with twonks wearing surgical masks to fend off the Swine Flu.
The highly excitable media like nothing better than a good old fashioned pandemic with designs on wiping us all out and as the Ebola Virus and Bird Flu miserably failed to do it, they are pinning their hopes on this Mexican variant of infection to do it.
The World Health Organisation apparently has a 6 step grading for such events, and it is presently set at phase 4 but is nudging 5 which would indicate widespread human-to-human transmission.
As usual in the middle of a global crisis, we turn to breakfast show doctors to give us some perspective.
The good doctor reported that there are a few cases of this new strain in the UK but pointed out that approx 12,000 people die of plain old run of the mill flu here annually anyway. The US has reported it's first death courtesy of the Swine Flu which is not good but it would have to finish off another 35,999 people to just reach the heights of the deaths normal flu incurs.
So are the surgical masks going to top us prematurely pushing up the daises?
"A novelty red nose from Comic Relief Day would give just as much protection" said the Doctor, "If you have the infection it is a good idea to stop you spreading it around, but the infected water droplets from sneezes and coughs land everywhere so it doesn't stop you picking it up through other ways such as on your hands coming into contact with infected door handles and surfaces".
So there you have it straight from the mouth of a TV Doctor so it must be true, you not only look a tremendous twonk, but you can still get it just as easily as the rest of us.