Saturday, 3 April 2010

Are there any other famous Germans?

This summer, i will make myself available to welcome Pope Benedict XVI to our shores as long as there is no grass to watch growing or some paint to watch dry but for the rosary clutching portion of this island, they seem very excited about it.
I was extremely nonchalant about the whole thing until news leaked out that it is costing us £20 million.
How much? We could have got a full blown Nazi for that and not just a Nazi youth!!
Catholics have had a hard time recently what with the child sex abuse cover up and relying on the rhythm method as a form of contraception so far be it from me to deny them the chance to wave at an old man driving past in a silly car but i have to ask, isn't there a better German we could be waving at for our money?
For a country that gave us the petrol powered car (Karl Benz), decent jeans (Levi Strauss) and the MP3 (Karlheinz Brandenburg), there are slim picking in the depleted field of decent Germans around now.
I was a big fan of tennis players Steffi Graf and Boris Becker back in the day and i could be persuaded to grin like an idiot at Claudia Schiffer but there is one German who i didn't even know was German, who i would happily replace the head of the Catholic Church with in the Pope mobile.
I had always assumed Sandra Bullock was an American until she won her Oscar and it came out that her husband was following the Tiger Woods example of how to have a successful marriage. Then during some show about her life, it drifted out that she was from Nuremberg and lived there until she was 12.
So i put forward a movement that rather than cheering at a bloke who oversaw and buried news of the largest paedophile rings in history and not to mention a position that is directly responsible for the continued spread of AIDS, we shove £20 million at Sandra Bullock and drive her around the City of London instead.
If she is busy has someone got Kraftwerks number? They would do it for a tenner.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

hans,

i think when you become pope you stop being whatever you were before... so technically he isn't human much less german... right?

oh, keep your hands off sandra! she isn't german... she isn't american... she's texan now... its like becoming pope... once you become texan you stop being whatever you were... in fact, if the pope became a texan he wouldn't be pope anymore... hell, we even got a few australians that turned ok after becoming texans... so, don't make me hurt ya boy - keep yer hands off sandra...

q

Hanz said...

I never thought of the Pope as human. Somebody shot one the other year and he just kept going like some sort of Terminator.

I think Sandra is lost to you Q. I saw her being interviewed and she had no sense of humour and her dress sense had left her. She is German now.

Nog said...

Why is everyone so harsh on old Ben? He was levied into the Hitler Youth and he deserted as soon as he could. Just because we was a German in 1945 doesn't mean that he is a Nazi.

On the other hand, the 20 million number does seem a bit steep.


-Nog

Hanz said...

Maybe he was just obeying orders Nog. I always thought Klaus Barbie was the best named Nazi. His name makes you think of Santa & Barbie dolls although he was evil which sets up a conflict in my mind.

GDAEman said...

Very well done. Even more amusing in the audio form... LOL.

I might have to include this on GDAE Podcast for comic relief.