Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Zombie Conspiracy

Such is the growing concern, the US Center for Disease Control has been forced to address the growing problem of reanimated corpses returning to eat our vital organs, stating that the agency 'does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead or one that would present zombie-like symptoms'.
Pffft, of course they'd say that wouldn't they but i'd much rather put my faith in the people behind websites like The Great Zombie Conspiracy and the Zombie Attacks Thread when it comes to my safety from flesh eating monsters thank you very much.
As the Citizens Zombie Research Group say 'The United States government and other nations have covered up the existence of flesh eating re-animated corpses in what the group calls "The Great Zombie Conspiracy".
See, told you and it goes on to warn that 'It will be unfortunate when the zombie plague is knocking on your front door and you are not prepared'.

Need evidence that the Zombie apocalypse is at hand? For the last few years there have been stories of people being eaten by other people and folk coming back to life, stories such as Father bites off sons penis and baby wakes after being dead for 12 hours.
Then there was man serves up own genitals at dinner party, woman turned into pastries, man has part of his face bitten off and the gruesome husband eat wifes arm.
Not convinced that the dead are coming back to life yet? How about man declared dead found to be alive , baby declared dead comes alive at funeral, dead man wakes up at own funeral.
Still more evidence here woman attacked by six women and bitten, man has faced chewed by naked assailant, Russian man eats organs of 6 people and the clincher for me Man throws own intestines at police.
Then there is husband eats wifes lips, Man kills 20 and eats bodies and man eats flatmates heart and brain.

On top of all that, the Russians have developed a weapon that turns people into virtual zombies so it should be beyond doubt of anyone with an ounce of sense that we are in danger and helpless in the onslaught of brain slurping zombies. Or are we?
Although the undead are notoriously difficult to kill, on account of them already being dead, there is one guaranteed way to stop a zombie before it can sink its teeth into that gooey grey stuff inside your skull.
Basing all i know about Zombies from Scooby Doo, the zombies brain, or what there is left of it, is the target area so that's where to aim preferably with a safe dropped from a reasonable height or if a safe is not handy, an Egyptian obelisk or even a piano will do just as well.
Most importantly stay safe people, with all those zombie hordes waiting to pounce, it's dangerous out there.


Anonymous said...

another good reason to remain armed...


Lucy said...

The best reason yet but you have to aim for the brain and if it is the reanimated corpse of a footballer, you had better be a good shot because that target will be tiny.

sk said...

Thank you fort this information. Very interesting. If it happens here in Maine i’m ready for it.

Living Dead said...

Hi Lucy. I have been a zombie for a few months now but eating all those brains was making me put on weight so this year i am going to eat smaller portions so will only be eating the brains of Conservative voters.
Mrs Z.Ombie, Milton Keynes