If I Was American

On Tuesday, November 6, 2012, the American public will vote to elect a new President. As i am not American, i can't vote but I am British and we have a long history of telling other countries what to do so i'm going to pretend that i have a vote and look at who i would cast it for if i was American.
I elect Montana as my pretend place of birth, it looks breathtakingly beautiful and it is close to Canada so it shouldn't be too hot in the summer and it snows in the Winter, lots, and i love snow.
So here i am sat on the porch in one of those creaky swinging chairs, wearing a pair of Wrangler jeans, a check lumberjack shirt and ten gallon hat and drinking Jack Daniels from the bottle while watching the elk and moose wandering across the plains and i'm thinking 'Dang, i gotsa vote but whos i gonna vote fer'. 
As Montana is in the top 8 of the least populated states, my nearest neighbour is miles away and it's Saturday so the family is off watching the Montana Grizzlies play anyway so i turn on the Internet for advice.     
After a bit of Googling i come across a blog, Falling On A Bruise, that has a run-down of all the American parties on offer but i see that it's run by a Limey woman and quickly leave. Doggarn Brits, got nothing to do with them but what you expect from a country that doesn't allow their citizens to own guns. If they spent less time trying to tell other countries what to do and spent more time shooting things maybe their Health Service wouldn't need so many death panels. And they can't even spell right, what's with all those extra U's in their words?
Anyway, this election is out of the Republicans or the Democrats but wait a cotton pickin' minute, there are other parties that i could vote for. 
The Constitution Party, Green Party and Libertarian Party all field enough candidates and appear on enough state ballots in the US of A to gain the 270 electoral votes needed so rather than just two parties, it is actually a five party race so why don't we ever hear about those other three?
The Constitution Party came third in 2008 with 199,134 votes while the Greens got 161,603 votes which is about 0.15% and 0.12% of the vote which in a country of 311 million is very poor if they fielded that many candidates.
Maybe they need some rich backers like the Dems and Reps have to run some adverts to make people aware they are around and an alternative to the big 2 who dominate the scene.
I've decided anyway, it's the Socialist Party USA i'm voting for. That will show that Limey varmint at that Bruise blog.
Oh dammit, Piers Morgan is on CNN. Randy, where's mamma's gun, i got me some shootin' to do.