Saturday, 28 December 2013

Trusting Financial Advice From The Internet

To hire a banker or a financial suit to advise you regarding what stocks and shares to buy is expensive (ruining the global economy isn't cheap) so last January i asked the internet what shares should i buy if i wanted to be rich this time next year.
Armed with a fake £1000, the Internet came back with the following and the London Stock Exchange gave me the prices so i split my pretend thousand across the following:

Vodaphone 170.00  x 250 = £425           
Amerisur Resources 0.47 x 277 = £130.19  
Thomas Cook 0.48 x 286 = £137.28         
Utlity wise 0.94 x 275 = £258.50         
Parkmead 0.14 x 350 = £49                

I left the £999 of my hard earned cash in the hands of whatever magic makes shares go up or down and came back twelve months later to hand in my slip and withdraw my pretend money. What i got on my receipt was the following prices as per the LSE:

VODAFONE GRP.      237.95 x 250 = £594
AMERISUR     56.00 x 277 =  £15,512
THOMAS COOK     168.30 x 286 = £48,133
UTILITYWISE     238.38 x 275 = £65,554
PARKMEAD     228.00 x 350 = £79,800

Now one of two things have happened here. The first is that for my outlay of £999 i received £209,593 back in which case the internet is a financial genius and i'm kicking myself for only using a pretend £999 and should be buying a yacht and a Ferrari about now or, my maths is wonky.
The other alternative is that i wrote down the original share prices wrong so pending further investigations the New Years Eve Party aboard 'The Saucy Sam' is temporarily postponed but Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and David Boreanaz, i will let you know shortly whether to pack your budgie smugglers or it's my place again for a bottle of Co-op wine and a vol-au-vent.

update: After meeting with a financial consultant (lady next door who used to work as a cashier in a bank) it appears that the idiots at the LSE don't use decimal points as the rest of us do (which could explain a lot) and the actual amounts are as follows: 

VODAFONE GRP.      £2.37 x 250 = £594
AMERISUR     £0.56 x 277 =  £155.12
THOMAS COOK     £1.68 x 286 = £481.33
UTILITYWISE     £2.38 x 275 = £655.54
PARKMEAD     £2.28 x 350 = £798.00

Therefore the final amount made is £2683 minus the original £999 outlay which means £1684 profit. Sorry guys, it's my place and a bottle of cheap plonk again this year. Still bring your budgie smugglers though.  


Anonymous said...


The corrected returns are huge. Do that year after and you will be wealthy in 20 years - but you will loathe yourself for being rich.


Lucy said...

I plan to use it to build a moon base because i'm fed up waiting for someone to do it. Might need a bit more than £1684 though so i will ask the Internet again. Not brave enough to put my own real money on it yet though.