'Twas the night before Christmas, in the Prime Ministers house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The nation was trying to keep warm but in vain,
'Cause E.On had cut off their gas once again,
Sam Cam in her ‘kerchief, and Dave in his cap,
They settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.
When on the Downing Sreet lawn there arose such a clatter,
Dave sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
He looked more closer and said 'That's not St Nick'.
Hello our Prime Minister, my names King Alfred The Great,
And i've come to complain about what you've done up to date,
This trickle down system you persist with is screwed,
Your people can't warm up their houses and pay for their food.
With a 1% payrise your civil servants can't afford rent
But you MP's gave yourself eleven percent,
Slashed services and job cuts are being announced,
The unemployed and disabled are being denounced
You screwed up my country he said shaking his fist,
And leant through the window and gave Dave's nipples a twist,
Then he drew back his fist and punched him hard in the belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Took all of Dave's presents then kicked out at the jerk.
Pausing to stick a finger up the Prime Ministers nose,
He gave a brief nod and up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Your record is wiped Dave, your numbers not listed
A present to the World, it's as if you never existed
As the UK all cheered as he drove out of sight,
He said now it's Happy Christmas for all, this has been a good night!"