Interviewing God

This is my last blog post for the foreseeable future and i wanted it to be something special and they don't come much more special then an interview with the person who i had constantly berated over the years, the biggest man himself, God.

Mister God is a hard man to track down, he gives his addresses as everywhere and nowhere, present in space and time although i tracked him down to an office in South London.
I began with asking God how he felt when people complained about the basic design of his planet Earth being faulty and potentially dangerous with a terrible atmosphere, an ozone layer that had holes in it and badly designed oceans that overheated.
'Well i made several billion other planets at the same time and they don't have those problems' he answered and shifted uneasily in his seat when i said that we know that he made Earth in six days and did he consider that enough time for adequate safety checks to be carried out but he pointed out that six days was the standard turnaround time for a new planet but each of his came with a 100 million year guarantee with optional after-sales service but beyond that date him, nor any of the employees of God PLC limited, could be held responsible if the inhabitants didn't follow the manufacturer's instructions.
We then moved onto wars being fought in his name and he shook his mighty head and said: 'It's a bit of a liberty to be honest, as if i haven't got enough on my plate already what with answering prayers, blessing America and saving The Queen, i just haven't the time to coordinate Holy wars as well'.
Pressed on why he let's bad things happen to good people and why he didn't stop Hitler he smiled and said that free will is okay for so far but divine pre-ordination trumps everything as clearly set out in the small print of the terms and conditions.
I wanted to press him further on the meaning of life, origins of the Universe and his relationship with other religions but first asked him about his anger management problems as he once almost killed everyone on Earth with floods.
'Yes, i had a real temper as a young man' he admitted 'but i have calmed as i have got older and use less weather phenomena to demonstrate my wrath on my planets inhabitants when they displease me'.
When i pointed out the giant storm which has been raging on Jupiter for over 500 years he shrugged and said 'there are an awful, lot of gay aliens on that place'. 
I could sense our time was running short so i asked him about his views on Atheism he said shrugged and said that 'if he didn't exist there would be no Atheists but as there are Atheists...'.
There was then a tap on the door and Angel Gabriel put his head around the door and said that he should come quick as the Queen was digging about inside her toaster with a knife again.
He apologised for cutting the interview short and ordered Gabriel to fetch his winged chariot but as he left i asked him for one final quote and he stopped, thought for a few seconds and said, 'I made every living thing in the heavens and Earth, but i don't get so many complaints from any of my other creations as I do from you human earthlings’.