Special Guest Blogger: Saint Asterius of Amasea

At this time of year you will likely hear many stories about how the Atheist's are trying to ban Christmas but i was way ahead of them and tried to get the whole thing cancelled over 1600 years before them.
That might be surprising to hear, considering i was a Saint and a Bishop but hang on to your rosary beads, because thing are about to get religious.
Let me explain, as shocking as it might seem, Christmas was not a Christian thing, it was a Pagan Roman thing despite what people will try and tell you, and as such, I said Christians should have nothing to do with a certain December day chosen to remix our boy Jesus with the birthday of their guy Mithras.
I become the Bishop of Amasea at a time when Christianity had overtaken the Roman pagan religions but it was still blurred with the Roman holidays of Saturnalia and Kalends and these Roman practices were still being celebrated, especially the gift-giving.
Now i’m not a fascist, i'm a Bishop. Fascists tend to dress up in black and tell people what to do but i wore gold coloured things so i tried to explain that gift giving was foolish and harmful which taught children to be greedy and the gifts made their minds sordid by capitalism which was an entrance to sin and the birth of Christ should be about being led into a life of light and uprightness.
The pagan custom of leaving food out for the gods in midwinter was co-opted as a Christian act, as was decorating the house with greenery but the pagan practice of giving gifts was spun by the church as emphasizing donations to the poor and celebrating the human nature of Jesus but because nobody was willing to give up their pagan celebrations and the idea of getting drunk for three days straight was too strong, my whinging completely tanked and went nowhere.
My drawing to their minds that they were just glorifying Paganism and their gods devastated the most deeply religious folk who displayed said devastation in their own unique way, by ignoring me and going right back to drinking and eating to excess and so the church accepted and accommodated it as part of their celebrations.
Nice job, Religion but be warned that Christmas will lead to an almighty implosion because even milk gets sour y’know. Unless it’s UHT milk, but there’s no demand for that because it’s shite.