We have no concept of Christmas but it seems to be a big thing to you humans so we made a bit of an effort and here is what we managed to glean.
Christmas began in 0 a d when after a non-sexual liaison between a 14 year old girl and an invisible man who lives in the clouds, the single mother gave birth to a child which they called Father Christmas who was born in a stable and a blazing Sun appeared over it but bizarrely, rather than scorch everything in the vicinity, it just hung over the wooden shack and guided three people, one on a bike, one in a car and one on his scooter honking his hooter to see old Santa in his feeding trough, and leave some gifts for him.
This launched Christianity to the World which is a religion of peace and love and to prove it the new religion stomped around the World invading nation's and killing anyone who wasn't as loving an as peaceful as them, but the upshot of having their ancestors massacred in their millions is they also now get to celebrate Christmas and drag a tree into their living rooms.
Every year the grown up baby Christmas celebrates his birthday by travelling around the 134 million square kilometers of the World at an estimated speed of 87 miles a second placing nice presents into oversized socks of children who have been good, and those who have been bad get a lump of coal and he spies on kids throughout the year and keeps a list so he knows which ones are which.
There was a bit of a hiccup in the early 17th Century when a small band of Religionists decided that they had a problem with people celebrating their own holiday as it was a distraction from other Holy things and banned it, until they were told to stop being so bloody stupid and reinstated Christmas.
So Merry Christmas humans and enjoy spending 25th December watching James Bond movies through a haze of cigarette smoke and a sixth bottle of Bacardi Breezer and the realisation that it is only 11 months until you have to do it again.
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