Sunday 5 July 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Thomas Midgley Jnr

If the quiz question 'Who has killed the most people in history' came up you could be excused for running through the usual suspects such as Hitler or Stalin but there is one man who is responsible for multiple more deaths than all of them put together and whose influence continues to kill millions today, little old me.
Not content with shortening everybody's life once, i doubled my efforts by thinking up a second way to do it. 
I was the man who decided that what petrol needed was a large dose of atmosphere polluting lead (tetraethyllead or TEL) in it and then came up with the whizz that refridgerators would work better if they contained ozone depleting chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs).
I did suffer lead poisoning on several occasions and after numerous deaths at the factory that produced TEL and rumours began spreading that maybe the TEL was poisonous, i poured it over my hands and inhaled the substance for 60 seconds at a press conference to demonstrate the safety of TEL before suffering yet stay in hospital due to another bout of lead poisoning.
I was then on the team that developed CFC's for air conditioning and refrigeration systems before dying aged 55 by accidentally strangling myself in the ropes of a pulley that i had invented to lift himself out of bed.
Thankfully, all my lifes work is now being undone and scientists have confirmed that they have discovered an ozone hole in the pollution layer that i caused but with the thousands of millions of tonnes of lead pushed into the atmosphere and then the depletion of the cancer preventing ozone layer with CFC's, you could make the argument that i have been responsible for more human deaths than any other single person in history. Sorry.

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