Special Guest Blogger: King Herod

While i am always portrayed as the big bad in the Nativity Story, it's about time i put my side of events across.
I would like to start with the story most associated with me, the story of the birth of Baby Jesus which begins with Joseph and Mary traveling from Nazareth to Bethlehem and being turned away by a succession of inn keepers.
Of course if the Senate had taken me up on my offer for a total shutdown of foreigners entering Bethlehem or the idea to build a Border Wall around Bethlehem and make Nazareth pay for it as i suggested, then we wouldn't have had the problem to start with so as illegal immigrants, the inn keepers were perfectly right to turn the couple away.
When Nazareth sends it's people, they're not sending the best. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists although some, I assume, are good people.
As usual, one do-gooder lefty bleeding heart proprietor, instead of telling them to stop taking beds which properly belong to the Bethlehem people, allowed them to stay in their stable condemning his customers to the inconvenience of the faint sounds of the foreigner howling in pain as she gave birth, annoying even if she was a young and beautiful piece of ass.
Taking advantage, they not only emptied out the manger to make a makeshift bed for their child born out of wedlock, but they disrupted the animals and made a right mess of the hay, hay which had been paid for by hard working tax payers.
As usually happens if you let the foreigners flood in, chaos follows with a massive, bright star lighting up the stable further disrupting the inns paying customers sleep and the stable quickly filling with uninvited foreign men illegally bringing gold, frankincense and myrrh which they had smuggled through customs and would reduce the value of the commodities, further hitting the wages of Bethlehem's hard working shepherds.
The story does have a happy ending though as i upheld right wing values by first ordering all foreign children be snatched away from their parents at the border and held in cages but then upgraded it to slaughtering the first-born of all moany, whinging, liberal traitors and although many said it was harsh, well, let's say that if they hadn't been there then they would have been safe.
So everyone loved me and we all had a very Merry Christmas that year, the biggest and best Christmas i tell you, and if you hear any different about me then it's all fake news.