Special Guest Blogger: Odin

I'm a Viking, the tunaskin-goatskin boots may have given you a clue but not just any old viking, i was a Viking God and the guy your Father Christmas is based on, not some wussy Saint throwing coins into a couple of prostitutes socks, i was doing that years before, not the prostitutes socks thing obviously, my wife Frigg would have been wearing my testicles as earrings if i had been doing that, but the whole Christmas thing started with me, Christmas and also Wednesdays, the mid-week day was named after me.
I was the Norse God of death, war and battles but i was not all about the death and destruction, not completely anyway, i also had a softer side and on the Eve of the Winter Solstice, i would don my fur lined cloak, brush my long white beard and lead the Yule hunting party through the skies in my chariot pulled by my flying horse Sleipnir looking for Ice Giants to slay and children would place their boots near the chimney, filling them with carrots as a gift for Sleipnir.
When i flew by, i rewarded the little ones by leaving gifts in their boots made by my team of magical elves and dwarves who would make gifts back in the North Pole. They also made Thor's hammer and my magical spear but they also knocked out some toys for me to deliver.
Being a Norse God, i would punish the bad as well with a heavy dose of bad fortune and i knew who was good or bad as well as being a God and knowing all sorts of good stuff, i had two ravens, Huginn and Muninn, who would report back to me most notably so i knew who to admit to Valhalla but it also came in handy with the naughty and nice present giving thing.
So quite how the one eyed, white-bearded God who rode the midwinter sky on his steed Sleipnir, visiting his people with gifts turned into a chubby, jolly man in a red suit with a team of reindeer who bounds down chimneys is beyond me.
The Present bringer you have now is for people who like the sort of things that go on in Christian Heaven, like singing, talking to God, watering pot plants whereas i on the other hand, the original Santa, was for people who like the other sorts of things you get in Valhalla such as adultery, pillage, torture, those general areas. My Christmas is for the type of people who like to eat, drink, fight and lay waste to monasteries and then vomit a lot later and that's the real Christmas spirit.