Now nobody likes to miss out on a great orgy with drink and food and having every inch of your naked body covered in pepper and then sneezed over (that one may just be me) and while the Romans were celebrating their Sun God, us Christians were sat at home staring at our feet and playing board games and charades and wondering why our God wasn't a party animal.
As Pope i decided that Christians should be able to also join in but the problem was our guy was less about the wine and frolics and more about feeding people loaves of bread and fish so i decided hey, i'm the damned Pope and i can get a bit creative and as nobody actually knew the date Jesus was born, i stood up and said oh silly me, i clean forgot, Jesus was also born on the 25th December so we can have a joint birthday Party for Jesus and whoever it is you Roman heathens celebrate and i officially moved Jesus's birthday to December 25th.
The Romans HR Department didn't care as they were still able to drink themselves deaf and make inappropriate use of the slaves and the Christians didn't care that it would all end in that David Bowie and Bing Crosby festive sing-along centuries later, they were like WAHEY, i'll grab the butter, you go fetch that extra wide turnip.
As Christianity had copied and pasted our man into the pagan celebrations, conveniently appropriating the existing pagan shenanigans as a key Christian date, one of the most notorious shindigs in history turned into all the hype and excitement we all associate with Christmas today and when you are sat dozing in front of the TV on December 25th Evening with a full belly and an even fuller bladder, you can thank me and a vague date of birth in the Bible.
My own special thanks must go to my very good friend who had access to industrial amounts of pepper. Amen indeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment