Special Guest Blogger: The Virgin Mary

It does make you wonder why God chose me to aim his holy ejaculation towards, a teenage girl, unmarried, a virgin and in a relationship because there must have been plenty of other women he could of got in the family way but God moves in mysterious ways and all that and it was me he got in the club.
I always felt a bit sorry for Joseph. He was an older man with a teenage girlfriend who had just told him that he would never guess what happened today, i only got made preggers by God with man's saviour while he was out.
Luckily for me, i was shacked up with probably the only man in the history of mankind who went "That's nice' and then went about hiring a donkey to take me to Bethlehem. The donkey salesman probably told him it was a baby stallion. If he was around today he would probably be excitedly replying to emails from Nigerian Colonel's with a million pound to give him and requesting his bank details.
The Christian tradition is that i was a virgin and that Jesus is the son of God, not Joseph which is some way to rub the poor blokes face in it but i do clearly remember that cold December in a Bethlehem Barn.
I had just given birth and the sheep were nibbling at Jesus's blankets and the place was a bit of a pigsty, literally, when a bunch of shepherd's turned up followed by three wise men carrying presents.
The Gold was thankfully received but not so much the Frankincense and what the hell is Myrrh anyway but it set the very first precedent of men sucking when it comes to buying presents.
We left the Myrrh in the stable when we moved on but the baby was healthy and things turned out okay, well for me and my boy anyway but i could see in Josephs eyes, he knew that once i had been with God, a half bottle of wine and the Roman soldiers uniform just wasn't going to cut it anymore.