Sunday, 10 August 2008

What I Hate About You

Cody and I are always looking for ideas to write concurrent posts about but when he suggested we write one about the things that annoy us about the opposite sex, my first reaction was to cancel any plans for the weekend because i would spend all 48 hours typing. Then we decided to restrict it to just 5 which is just as much of a juggling act but here are the top 5 things that men do that make me want to swing a high heeled foot in their groinal area.

5. Not Reading Instructions. Manufacturers include instructions for a reason, to instruct. Men on the other hand seem to think that they go to all the bother of including this information into the box for some other strange reason because it is the first thing to get binned before hours of swearing, hitting things with a hammer and blaming the packers for giving us the wrong bits before the woman rescues the instructions and calmly points out that he has put piece D where Piece A should be and used the wrong screws in Section C.

4. TV Remote Control. All newspapers have a TV guide, there are even TV guides on the TV itself at the push a button but men prefer to dive-bomb through all 101 channels in two minutes in a never-ending search for a suitable landing spot while passing comments about 'chick flicks' and 'how you hate him' before, on the third time around, settling for some testosterone filled action film and falling asleep within ten minutes.

3. Catching Things In Their Mouths. What is the fascination with throwing things in the air and catching them in their mouths. Doesn't matter what it is, sweets, nuts, cigarettes, grapes, it can't go the short distance between hand and mouth without first being launched up too the ceiling and caught in your gaping gob. Presumably it is supposed to show off your coordination or something but it just makes you look like a seal except the seal doesn't spend the rest of evening complaining that it's eye hurts because your coordination went awry with that last walnut.

2. Toilet Aim. Man has invented missiles that can be sent hundreds of miles and land with almost unerring accuracy at a designated building but he can't aim his pee the short distance between his midriff and a toilet bowl. Heaven knows how anyone can stand slap bang in front of something with a drop distance of less than 2ft, and still miss. And would it kill you to put the seat down when you have finished?

1. Man Flu. Yes i know you are ill and yes you do look terrible and no i don't think you are going to cough up a lung and yes i will fluff your pillow and yes i will phone work for you and tell them you won't be in and yes i know it feels like your dying. Do you know how i know? Because you have exactly the same thing that i had last week when you told me i looked terrible while i was ironing your shirts.

Well it wasn't easy keeping it down to just 5 but i have sympathy for Cody who is posting about the 5 thing that us women do that drive men crazy on his blog. Personally i can't think of any.


Miz UV said...

LOL @ #3! That and making stupid noises with their armpits. Why do they do this? It's not funny. (I posted my 5 at Cody's.)

Cody Bones said...

Miz UV, If you don't find armpit noise, along with any other explosive noise we make funny, then I have to say, I don't even know you any more

JodieKash said...

Know what I don't get about men? That they think of the penis as an Hors D'Oeuvre plate, to be passed around.

Mine is simply the crudite.

O' Tim said...

I am delighted to announce that I am safe from all five of these, Lucy.

"Mine is simply the crudite"

Thanks Jody, now I've got "special sauce" on the brain.

Lucy said...

If only the funny noises was just from their armpits miz uv.

Don said...

5 - By the time I've skipped over all the safety warnings and figured out which side of the manual is actually in English, my allotted instruction-reading time is all used up. Not my fault!

4 - TV channels are like women, only they don't make your life miserable if you try another one.

3 - Sometimes the most valuable skills are the most overlooked.

2 - Accuracy of fire is proportional to barrel length. Can't relate to this problem.

1 - Agreed, men are pussies when they get sick.

AV said...

Toilet Aim.

Two words for you: morning and glory.

Noah "Nog" M. said...

Yeah, the instructions one is a "guy thing". We want to be creative, and sometimes that means making mistakes. But of course there's a fine line between exploring and learning by making mistakes and breaking stuff out of selfish dumbness.

Anonymous said...

'Not reading instructions' - all the men I know eill only read instructions as a last resort. And it's a disaster in our house if the remote control can't be found in 5 seconds ;-)