Friday, 24 May 2019

Going After The Prime Ministers Job

Finally Theresa May has taken a hint and has decide that June 7th is her last day and then she is off to do whatever it is old Prime Ministers do once they retire.
The good news is that the job of Prime Minister will be up for grabs and as i'm considering a career change, i plan to throw my hat into the ring but the problem is i'm a left winger and the Conservative Party is right wing so i will need to somehow develop some right wing attributes.
There are many scientific reports that show that right wingers are not as bright as left wingers but i'm sure a subscription to Fox News and turning to the Daily Mail while continually banging my head against the fridge will shave enough points off my IQ to satisfy that criteria.
I like to read books while right wingers struggle to read even the most basic literature so out go the classics from my bookcase and it's only books with lots of pictures from now on and i'm sure that having no concern for my fellow man will be achievable once in situ.
Right wingers don't like to share so from now on my mantra is don't ask because being told to feck off may offend and i will have to stop recycling and as Downing Street is far enough away from the River Thames for me to worry about climate change, that's just for the plebs who were stupid enough to buy a house with a river view.
My doubts in the fairness of our Capitalist system should be easy to overcome on the Prime Minister salary of £150,402 per annum and as long as i say 'Not being racist but...' before saying anything racist i can hate on Muslims and foreigners like the best Conservative. 
Keeping the status quo by explaining that we have achieved equality while making things even more unequal and explaining that just because i am cutting welfare for the poorest while giving the richest tax cuts doesn't mean that i am not passionate about closing the gap between the rich and poor.
I think after a while in the right's company i can rid myself of any human decency to become a proper right winger who wouldn't let something like rising crime, a Health Service on it's knees or my voters forced to food banks to eat throw me off my right-wing agenda.
I think i could pull it off and just to make sure i will start wearing nylon shirts, patent leather shoes and start a campaign to bomb Asians who don't sell us their oil.
See you for the celebrations on June 8th.


Anonymous said...

IQ doesn't help people that are out of touch with reality.

Falling on a bruise said...

So i noticed.