Wednesday 18 March 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Christopher Columbus

I, the explorer Christopher Columbus, heading westwards on my ship the Santa Maria but instead of finding India i found America and nobody whatsoever had discovered it before although there was some people already there but to avoid any confusion i called them Indians anyway.
They did say that when i planned to sail due West to find a passage to India it was impossible but i proved the doubters wrong, and proved that i was the finest sailor and navigator on the planet and if I go looking for India, India is what I find, even if it isn't.
The first natives i encountered were the Arawak people and i found them to be peaceful and loving but most importantly unarmed so promptly took a large group of them prisoner and interrogated them as to where they hid all their gold.
Despite thousands of people already living there, i am considered to be the man who discovered the New World, i don't count the Vikings, they never forced the Natives into slavery and disfigured them by lopping off their limbs as punishment for noncompliance.
Something us Europeans did give to them was our diseases so measles and smallpox ravaged the native populations but the lack of resistance to native diseases went the other way also, some of the native inhabitants suffered from a new sexually transmitted disease called Syphilis that was then transmitted throughout Europe by my randy crew, months at sea will do that to a man .
Luckily the American people didn't let a little thing like the wide-scale torture, murder and enslavement of the indigenous population stop them from building many landmarks and institutions in my name and declare my landing in the Americas as a national holiday which i would like to think is celebrated by walking into someone else's house and telling them that you live there now but as i was Italian so it probably involves eating pasta and wearing a Mario Brothers style moustache.

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